April 30, 2005
Garrison Keillor: If you're looking for an amusement park that is exciting but that also teaches values, it's Six Flags over Scripture right here in Virginia Beach with rides that are more than just rides, they are journeys, they are spiritual experiences. Rides like The Red Sea Crossing (WHOOSH OF SURF, ROAR OF VEHICLE) and Ezekiel's Wheel (WHIRRING, ACCEL, CRIES), the Voyage to Nineveh (CREAKING OF RIGGING, STORM, WHALE ROAR) and the River of Jordan Underwater Ride (SPLASH, UNDERWATER BREATHING), we guarantee total immersion. Along the way you'll get to see the Prodigal Son (PIGS) and the Lion's Den (LIONS) and King Solomon's concubines (TITTERING), and restaurants, including the Garden of Eden cafe where the wait staff wears small pieces of vegetation or the Galilee, specializing in bread and fish all U can Eat. don't miss a thrilling ride that we call Reaping The Whirlwind (WHIPPING, FASTER, CRIES) and of course there's the roller coaster, which we call the Pathway That Leadeth Down to Destruction (CLICKING), that first drop is about 2000 feet (CLICKING STOPS, WIND). It's pretty dramatic. (CAR INCHES FORWARD AND STARTS TO ACCEL, CRIES). But the ultimate ride is the last one. It's sort of a bungee cord experience with the cord tied around your ankle but with you standing on the ground we call it The Rapture. (BOING, FLIGHT, CRY FADING RAPIDLY) Lookit raptured her right out of her shoes and her skirt. Six Flags over Scripture. It's in Virginia Beach. Look for the herds of sheep (SFX), and the parking lots, Corinth, Galatia, Ephesus, Thessalonia, Laodicea, valet parking for the meek.