A Prairie Home Companion: April 30, 2005

Fisher's Coffee Script
Saturday, April 30, 2005
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Garrison Keillor: ...brought to you by Fisher's Coffee...

Rob Fisher: I'm Rob Fisher, and I grew up in Norfolk, and sometimes when people from up North came here, they'd get drowsy, especially in the summer. We had to perk them up and that's how I developed Fisher's Coffee. If someone you love suffers from inattentiveness, try Fisher's. It comes from Norfolk.

Sue Scott: Al?...

Tim Russell: Hm?

SS: Al? Are you listening?

TR: Right.

SS: This is me. I'm your wife.

TR: Mmhm.

SS: Janet. Remember? The wedding? I was the one in the white dress?

TR: Mmhm.

SS: The mother of your children? Remember them? The short people who call you "Daddy"?

TR: Mmmmhmmm.

SS: Al, we moved to Norfolk a year ago and we haven't gone anywhere or seen anything. Williamsburg. The Botanical Garden. The Azalea Festival has come and gone, Al. It was last weekend. I wanted to go and I couldn't get you moving.

TR: Mmhm.

SS: This is a .38 caliber revolver in my hand, Al—

TR: Janet— what are you doing?

SS: You noticed me...

TR: Put the gun down, Janet.

SS: I will. As soon as you drink the coffee. Drink it. Now. (SLURPS) (MUSIC STARTS UNDER)

TR (PIRATE): Arrrgh matey.

SS: That's the man I fell in love with!!!

TR (PIRATE): I'll just grab me sword, woman, and throw you over me shoulder (SS SHRIEK) — oh oh— what's that octopus doing — (OCTOPUS WALKING) Back! Back! (WHIPPING SWORD IN AIR, STABS OCTOPUS)

SS: My hero! You saved me!!!

TR (PIRATE): Arrgh, let's find us an ATM machine and get some gold doubloons and head out on the town and do some pillaging! (HE LAUGHS. FN PARROT: Let's do Norfolk, let's do Norfolk)

GK: Fisher's Coffee— it's a wake-up call. (BIG BOAT HORN) From Norfolk. (GK SINGS FISHER'S THEME)