A Prairie Home Companion: May 21, 2005

Catchup script
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...after a word from the Ketchup Advisory Board.

Tim Russell: These are the good years for Barb and me. Barb made me give away all my black turtlenecks and suddenly I'm off the Zoloft and starting to play guitar again. The snowdrift melted by the garage, and we found the check that Barb's brother gave us for the boat we sold him, and to our amazement, it cleared the bank. We spent it on a trip to Madison because we don't know anybody there and so we could just walk around and be ourselves and not be trapped in somebody's dining room looking at pictures of their grandchildren. And then I found Barb one morning looking out the hotel window and weeping —What is it, Barb-what's wrong?

Sue Scott: Oh it's depressing being around college students, Jim. I feel so old. And slow and fat.

TR: You're not that fat. For somebody your age, you look pretty darn good.

SS: Oh, thanks a LOT.

TR: You've got that blue pantsuit with the loose blouse that hides the bulges better than anything you've worn for years.

SS: I feel so depressed when I think of how I wasted my college years. I think about my old boyfriend. Bob. Who I dumped because he was such a nerd and now he's a famous neurosurgeon and he and his glamorous wife travel the world collecting aboriginal art.

TR: Well, I'm sure he has his problems too.

SS: I was so cautious — I took dumb courses like Survey of World Religions. Communications. Why did I major in Communications? I don't remember a single bit of it. Why didn't I take more chances —dare to fail at things —

TR: Barb — you can experience failure vicariously. That's why we have movies in which cars crash and blow up. That's why we have children.

SS: I don't know. I look at these young people and I feel like I missed out on something.

TR: Maybe you're not getting enough ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that keep you happy and satisfied so you don't look back and brood and work yourself into a slough of despair and regret.

SS: Oh. Okay.

Rich Dworsky:
Summer in the city,
Under sunny skies
You and all creation
Seem to harmonize.
Life's a pool of ketchup
On a plate of fries.

GK: Ketchup... for the good times.

RD: Ketchup... ketchup... ketchup...