Grad script
Saturday, May 21, 2005
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(POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE UNDER)

Garrison Keillor (ANNOUNCE, BIG REVERB, OFF): James Anderson. James B. Anderson. Jessica Anderson. Jessica Ann Anderson. Jessica Marie Anderson. Jezebel Anderson. Jezebel Kate Anderson. Jocelyn Anderson (FADING UNDER.....)

Tim Russell (STUDENT): Big class. Looks like we'll be here for a while.

Sue Scott: Depressing.

TR: Yeah.

SS: (PAUSE) It's like watching 5000 penguins walk up to the edge of the cliff, and jump off on cue.

(PAUSE)

TR: What's your name?

SS: Ellen Ziebarth.

TR: I'm Todd Zimmerman.

(PAUSE TWO BEATS)

SS: What's your major?

TR: Business. What's yours?

SS: English.

TR: Oh. (PAUSE) You going to stay in Madison?

SS: Me?

TR: Right.

SS: I just got a job here. At WalMart.

TR: Really? Me too! What department?

SS: Children's Wear.

TR: Oh. I'm in Building Supplies.

(PAUSE FOUR BEATS)

GK: John L. Anderson John M. Anderson. John Michael Anderson III.

SS: I figure in five years I can pay off my loans.

TR: Same here. Unless my songwriting career really takes off.

SS: You're a songwriter......

TR: Yeah. I'm in a band called Fish Kill Dementia.

SS: Cool. (PAUSE TWO BEATS) I'd love to hear it sometime. —

GK: (ANNOUNCER) Justin Anderson. Justin B. Anderson. Justin John Anderson. Justin T. Anderson, Justin Thomas Anderson Justin Wendell Anderson, Kelly Anderson Kelly Jo Anderson Kelly Sue Anderson Kenneth Anderson, Kerry Anderson. Kerry Ann Anderson, Kyle Anderson, Kyli Anderson

TR: You could come over to my place afterward and I could play you a couple songs.

SS: That sounds really nice. (PAUSE) If this commencement doesn't go on all night.......

TR: I'm over on Wisconsin Avenue. Up above the Depraved Maniacs record store.

SS: Yeah, I know where that is. I used to waitress at the Dregs of Society Coffee Shop.

TR: Oh yeah. (PAUSE FOUR BEATS) I don't have a roommate so it wouldn't matter if you came over late.

SS: Oh right.

GK: (ANNOUNCER DRONES) Lindsay Anderson. Lindsay Ann. Anderson. Lindsay D. Anderson, Lynda Anderson, Lori Anderson, Lori D. Anderson

(PAUSE)

SS: Who is that up there with the hair and the glasses? Is that the dean? Or the president?

TR: Says here it's the dean. The president is probably the big fat one. — How come he isn't giving them a diploma? He's just shaking their hands.

SS: This year they're doing E-plomas. You go home and get it online and print it out and tape it to the wall.

TR: I was hoping for something on heavy paper with my name in calligraphy and a seal and a ribbon. In a leather case.

SS: They don't do that anymore. It cost too much.

GK (ANNOUNCER DRONES): Marcy Anderson, Marianne Anderson, M.B. Anderson Mark Anderson, Mark Andrew Anderson, Marsha Anderson, Marshall Anderson, Martha Anderson, Mary C. Anderson, Mary L. Anderson, Mary Margaret Anderson (PAUSE)

SS: I wanted to travel for a year but my parents wanted me to get a job and maybe meet someone.

TR: Oh really. —I just broke up with my girlfriend, so— I don't know.

(PAUSE)

SS: What happened?

TR: She just got on my nerves. She kept asking what was going to happen with her and me? She used to ask that about ten times a day. How should I know what was going to happen? It was like I was supposed to wave a magic wand and make everything wonderful for her.

(PAUSE)

SS: I can see how that would get old.

GK: (ANNOUNCER DRONES) Marya Anderson, Megan Anderson, Meghan Elizabeth Anderson, Melissa Anderson, Merwin Anderson, Merwin T. Anderson, Mette Anderson, Mitzi Anderson

SS: I think you have to take everything one day at a time.

TR: Really?

SS: Yeah. It took this course in marine biology. All about fish. We spent hours watching fish. It was the most fascinating thing I ever did in college.

TR: You're kidding.

SS: What?

TR: That was my favorite course too. Professor Denton.

SS: Wow.

TR: I was crazy about that course.

SS: I felt so incredibly alive.

TR: It was like a religious experience.

SS: I was just going to say that. Is that funny? I was just going to say that exact same thing. I loved the sensuality of fish. The way they moved around each other. Everything was in the present. Everything was —

TR: What?

SS: I don't know. I just — didn't expect this to happen to me right now.

TR: What?

SS: I don't know. Suddenly I feel as if I've known you forever.

TR: Let's go to my place. We can get our diplomas by e-mail.

SS: What about your family?

TR: They're not here.

SS: Oh.

TR: They're in Minnesota.

SS: (PAUSE) What are they doing there?

TR: They live there.

SS: When did they move there?

TR: They're from there.

SS: So you're from Minnesota?

TR: Yes—? Is that a problem?

SS: No, it just comes as sort of a surprise.

TR: What's wrong?

SS: Nothing. I just have to think.

TR: I don't get it.

SS: I know. (PHONE RINGS) (PICKS UP PHONE) Hi?—-- Oh, hi. Dad — When? —-- Sure. I'll be right there. ——No, I'm all set. I can get my diploma online. Okay. Bye. (CLICK) — He's not feeling well. I'm going to go meet them for lunch.

TR: Okay. See you at work.

SS: Great.

TR: Bye.

SS: Ciao.

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