Café Boeuf script
Saturday, September 3, 2005
Listen



Garrison Keillor: after a word from the Cafe Boeuf, where the elite meet to eat. Maurice the maitre'd, Bonjour—

Tom Keith: If you're not sure, why come?

GK: I said, Bonjour. Bonjour. Good day.

TK: Oh! Good day. Bonjour.

GK: That's what I said. Bonjour.

TK: Mature? You? Yes, I hope so.

GK: Never mind— I am surprised to see you here at the State Fair, Maurice.

TK: I am here with the Cafe Boeuf Booth.

GK: The Cafe Boeuf Booth.

TK: Not easy to say.

GK: So fairgoers are interested in gourmet French food?

TK: We are selling a great many escargot, yes.

GK: People at the fair know they are eating snails?

TK: When they're deep-fried, nobody cares.

GK: Deep-fried snails?

TK: We call them calamari. Also we have creme brulee on a stick. We are selling it by the truckload.

GK: Creme brulee?

TK: We use extra heavy cream. It's like spackle. And we caramelize the sugar by hooking jumper cables up to it.

GK: How much is it?

TK: Five dollars.

GK: Well, give me one.

TK: Get in line.

GK: Where?

TK: Down to the end of the street and turn left.

GK: That's the line for your booth?

TK: It's the new thing and people love it and — (FRENCH SHRUGGING)

GK: So when did you suddenly get so successful?

TK: Right about the time we stopped advertising on your show. — Hey! (HE SHOUTS IN FRENCH. TR SHOUTS BACK IN FRENCH. TK REPLIES WITH FRENCH OBSCENITY)

GK: What's the problem?

TK: He's not putting in enough gelatin.

GK: You put gelatin in creme brulee?

TK: It helps hold the shape.

GK: Gelatin?

TK: Go away— hush. Keep your voice down. Here— have two. (TK OFF, FRENCH)

GK: The Cafe Boeuf Booth, at the Minnesota State Fair — look for it where you see a long line of people — just get in line — that's for the Cafe Boeuf. (TK FRENCH) Thank you for your patience