Kansas Rap lyrics
Saturday, September 10, 2005
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(GK & Charlie Whitworth, Wichita)

Kansas, here's a poem for you
Where the Interstate runs straight and true
The land is flat with a few long swells
And it's a long way between motels
And all of them have vacancies
And heading west, not many trees,
Nothing is lower, nothing is higher,
Just flat land and a lot of barbed wire
And the road goes on and on forever.
It's not the end of the world, that's in Denver.

(BREAK)

Kansas is Kansas, love it or hate it
It's got 105 counties, some populated
No big cities full of hurry and worry
Just Kansas City but that's in Missouri.
So expectations are low, as such.
You can Fast Forward and not find much.
It's easily forgotten and quickly crossed,
Any tourist you see is probably lost.
Cause it takes effort to keep entertained.
Sometimes we sit and look at the paint.

(BREAK)

A person who moves to Kansas learns
We drive fast and don't signal turns.
And a Kansas gourmet restaurant serves
A plate of fries as your hors d'oeuvres.
There's cold winds and blazing sun,
Where we raise the beef and the bun
It's rangeland and endless sky
It's where fashions come to die
No bourbon in a silver flask
No Sunday liquor—don't even ask,
No poker hands to be dealt
We're the third notch on the Bible Belt
No painted ladies on our arms,
No need for casinos, we've got farms.

(BREAK)

We're not No. 1, not even eleven,
But if you liked Nebraska, then this is heaven.
The weather is either cold or hot
It's not what you wanted but it's what you got.
Who says God doesn't love a joke?
You can die of frostbite or sunstroke,
It can burn your butt or freeze your shorts
Thank goodness for football and price supports
And politics and low taxes
And thank the Lord for cable access.
It's a place that authors don't write about,
Purgatory on the rural route,
It's boredom and suffering and personal loss
It takes courage just to drive across.
People are edgy. Try not to rile 'em
Cause the inmates are running the asylum.
But once you come, if you stay
You're building character every day.
Wake up, drink coffee, go out and thresh.
And watch where you step, it may be fresh.

Kansas is God's way of suggesting
Life doesn't have to be interesting.
He was busy elsewhere fighting sin.
When he created Kansas, he phoned it in.
The land is flat, the wind is blowing,
And we're halfway to anywhere you're going.
But if we seem sleepy or in a coma
You know, we're looked up to by Oklahoma.