A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Club script
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Listen

Garrison Keillor: After this message from the Nice Try Health Club. If you're like many people, you've made a resolution to join a gym and lose weight this year. Most gyms offer a full year's membership. But at the Nice Try Health Club, we offer membership options more like what you're actually going to do.

Other health clubs only offer Gold or Platinum memberships.

Our four-week Bronze membership is more like it for most people. Face it, the urge to exercise is a whim for most of us and four weeks is enough time to get it out of your system. Or you can join at the Zinc level, and take two whole weeks to decide you don't really have time to work out. Or go with our Aluminum Foil plan, where in just one afternoon, you can come to the conclusion that fat can be beautiful, too. At the Nice Try Health Club, we have treadmills (SFX), stationary bikes (SFX), weights (SFX), a pool (SFX), yoga classes (FINGER CYMBAL), a Nordic Track (SFX), showers (SFX), a steam room (SFX), and a whirlpool (SFX), not to mention complimentary shampoo (SPLORT), conditioner (SPLORT), and lotion (SPLORT). And the good news is that no one is using any of it, so you'll have it all to yourself, for a very limited time.

That's the Nice Try Health Club. Because working out sounds like a good idea, until you try it. Better luck next time, at the Nice Try Gym.

(MUSIC OUT)