Saturday, April 8, 2006
Garrison Keillor: ...after this word from the Ketchup Advisory Board. (PIANO)
Tim Russell: These are the good years for Barb and me. Barb's been taking Ambien sleeping pills to help with her insomnia. And it worked well for her. And then I took three of them by mistake, thinking they were my vitamins, and I konked out at work and they found me face down, drooling on the computer keyboard. The company gave me a week of medical leave, and so I've gotten caught up with yardwork. To eliminate mowing and weeding, we're covering our entire yard with rocks. Sort of a Japanese look. That's what we told the city council when the neighbors filed a petition against us. We told them we were Shinto Buddhists and that our yard was constitutionally protected. We should have been happy. But then one day Barb came home from the mall with a grim look on her face. Barb honey, what's wrong?
Sue Scott: Oh, Jim. All the prom dresses in the stores. They're so sleazy. It's depressing. I thought Prom was supposed to be romantic!
TR: Well, sleazy can be romantic, if you look at it in the right way.
SS: But the plunging necklines, the slit up the thigh-and they're backless! You get a girl all the way through high school and then she dresses up as a French trollop. It's just not right!
TR: Well, they have chaperones
SS: You don't see boys having to wear little Speedos to the prom. But the girls look like burlesque dancers.
TR: Well, that's what makes the world goes round, Barb.
SS: What makes the world go round? Burlesque?
TR: You know the old va-va-va-voom. The old (HE CLICKS)
SS: What is that supposed to mean? (CLICKS)
TR: Just thinking out loud.
SS: So you think that young women should go around half-naked?
TR: Depends. With a bikini, it's probably more like 85%. A thong bikini, 92%. Depends on the woman. Some women, you're right, half-naked would be too much.
SS: And what about me?
TR: Don't tempt me, woman. Control yourself. Maybe we'd better have some ketchup. So we don't go overboard.
Rich Dworsky: (SINGS)
This are the good years,
So follow your heart.
And Prom may be your last chance
To dress up like a tart
Life is flowing like ketchup a la carte
GK: Ketchup, for the good times
RD: ketchup, ketchup