Brass script
Saturday, April 29, 2006
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(BRASS BAND PIECE)

Fred Newman (BIG ANNC): August, 1804...on the Missouri River... (FOOTSTEPS)

Tim Russell: Captain Lewis—

Garrison Keillor: Captain Clark—

TR: The sergeant said you wanted to see me.

GK: Yes, Captain Clark. Thank you for coming so promptly.

TR: Would you mind if we dropped the Captain? If you called me Bill and I called you Meriwether?

GK: I don't think that's a good idea.

TR: Or I could call you Meri?

GK: Please, Captain Clark. It's a long expedition and we need to maintain high standards and that's why I asked you to come. It's about your journal.

TR: What about my journal?

GK: I took a look at it this morning and I see things like "serjeant" spelled with a J. Beautiful spelled "b-u-t-i-f-u-l-l".

TR: What's wrong with that?

GK: This is an important expedition, Captain Clark. We're being sent to explore lands that no white men have ever seen and to bring back a scientific description of what we see. If our spelling is atrocious, nobody's going to believe us.

TR: Who died and made you the editor? Huh? You don't like my spelling, quit reading my journal.

GK: Tow rope spelled "t-o-e r-o-a-p-e". You'd think it was a rope that we tie around someone's toe.

TR: So what?

GK: People see toe roape, they see the word butifull instead of beautiful, they're going to think, Who were those yahoos?

TR: When people see the route we took, they're going to wonder, who was doing the navigating?

GK: You don't care for my navigating?

TR: I hope they don't try to build roads on this scenic route you're taking us on.

GK: You are such a pill. I was the one who talked Mr. Jefferson into letting you go along.

TR: Ha!

GK: He said, "Clark? What you want to take that dummy along for? The man spells like a four-year-old child."

TR: Liar liar pants on fire.

GK: Sioux is not spelled "S-e-o-u-e-x" —

TR: Where'd I write that?

GK: Right there. Look. Right below the toe roape. And the butifull day.

TR: Oh who gives a rip. (FOOTSTEPS) Who's this?

GK: The Indian woman.

Sue Scott: Greetings. My name is Sacajawea.

TR: What you want, lady?

SS: I come to help you and to translate for you and to guide the white man's party toward the big water. But if I help you, I want to make sure I get credit. Name is spelled s-a-c-a-j-a-w-e-a,

GK: Get that, Captain Clark?

SS: I don't want to read about this someday and see my name spelled sacroiliac or severe diarrhea or something like that.

GK: Don't worry about it. Let's move em out—

TR: Move em out—

FN (REPEATS ORDER): (BUGLES)

TR: Let's go, Meri.

GK: After you, Capt. Clark. (BUTTON)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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