A Prairie Home Companion: May 20, 2006

English Majors script
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...after a message from the Partnership of English Majors. English. It's a wonderful language. It's not Icelandic, nothing ever could be. But for a second language, it's the best if you want to appeal to tall mysterious women.

Sue Scott: Dot iss me. I am a wooman who men throw themselves at the feet of. Men go crazzy for me. I don't know why. (TR FRENCH) Oh go away. You bore me. (SLAP, TR INJURED FRENCH PRIDE) Your breath smells of onions. (TR ITALIAN) No, not you. So sorry. (SLAP, TR INJURED ITALIAN PRIDE) You wave your hands around. It makes me nervous. (TR RUSSIAN) No, no— no Russian boyfriend for me. Go away with your wodka. Makes me sick. (TR ARABIC) No, I have no wish to move to Saudia Arabia and be somebody's slave. Away with you. What about this tall man over here>

GK: Were you referring to me?

SS: Aha. You speak the English. You speak it so good.

GK: That's because I'm an English major, and while you're here, let me say that you are a woman of rare splendor, those luminous dark eyes, your alabaster skin and the filigrees of lustrous raven black hair, the refulgent sky blue eyes and long sable lashes like pendant finials, you are voluptuous so as to defy description.

SS: You are my dollink, my Eenglish-speaking man. I luff you— for your Eenglish, my dollink.

GK: Studies show that 6 out of 10 mysterious women prefer to be spoken to in English.

SS: My dollink.

GK:—A message from the Partnership of English Majors.