A Prairie Home Companion: June 3, 2006

Floss script
Saturday, June 3, 2006
Listen

Sally Dworsky (SINGS):
Grab your brush and grab your floss,
Let a smile be your umbrella.
Always use mouthwash,
And you'll have a whole lot more friends..

Tim Russell: And now actor John C. Reilly with some tips on personal dental care.

John C. Reilly: As an actor, I need to keep my teeth shining bright — unless of course I am portraying a pirate or a demented person — but otherwise I need to know that when I grin, my incisors are reflecting the spotlight and dazzling the audience —

TR: Your teeth are almost a traffic hazard. What's your secret, John?

JCR: The secret is regular flossing to remove things like corn kernels and gristle from the gaps between the teeth. Tear off about three feet of floss—

TR: Okay—

JCR: Grasp the floss with both hands about four and a half inches apart —

TR: Got it.

JCR: And start with the lower left side of your mouth like this— (INARTICULATE GARBLE, WITH FLOSS IN MOUTH)

TR: (GARBLE)?

JCR: (GARBLE AND GARBLE AND GARBLE)

TR: (GARBLE)

JCR: (GARBLE AND GARBLE AND GARBLE)

TR: (GARBLE, IN DISAGREEMENT)

JCR: (IRRITATED GARBLE)

TR: (INSISTENT GARBLE)

JCR: (SARCASTIC GARBLE)

TR: What'd you say to me?

JCR: (GARBLE AND GARBLE AND GARBLE)

TR: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

JCR: (INSULTING GARBLE)

TR: Oh, go floss your toes.

(MUSIC) SD: Always take a roll of floss
In your purse or in your pocket
Floss after each meal
And enhance your sex appeal.