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Catchup script
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Listen
Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. Jim went to the eye doctor to have his eyes checked, and they dilated his pupils and when he drove home, the sunlight blinded him, and he drove into the side of a Dairy Queen and when the paramedics arrived, they took one look at his pupils and pronounced him dead. They called me with the bad news and by the time they figured out that he was only unconscious, I'd already bought a week at a spa, so I felt as if I should take him along. But he said he was too depressed. ----Jim, honey, what's wrong?
Tim Russell: I'm just suffering from bitter regret, Barb. After I crashed into the Dairy Queen, I thought it was 1980 and I was standing in line for a Buster bar and I looked at myself in the glass and saw this guy with a terrible bowl haircut that covered up my ears and my eyebrows.
SS: It was the style. You were hip.
TR: Hip! I spent the best years of my life looking like a water spaniel.
SS: Those were your best years?
TR: My best hair years.
SS: I thought you liked your hair that way.
TR: But you could see what I looked like.
SS: Well, I was wrong, Jim. I'm sorry.
TR: And why did you let me go into accounting, Barb, when you knew I wanted to be a singer-songwriter.
SS: Jim---
TR: I want to go back, Barb, and grow my hair long and pull it back into a ponytail and reunite my band, the Luminous Mammals and play in clubs where women will dance the Monkey and the Hitch-hiker.
SS: Jim, any tail you grew wouldn't be pony-like. It'd be more like a rat tail.
TR: Let's move to Austin, Barb, and be young again.
SS: How are you going to do that, Jim?
TR: By wearing loose fitting clothing and only go out after dark.
SS: I wonder if you're getting enough ketchup.
TR: You mean hot sauce.
SS: No, it's ketchup that contains natural mellowing agents that help you accept yourself as you are and get on with your life. Come on. Let's have a little ketchup right now.
Rich Dworsky (SINGS):
These are the good years,
We've lived a lot of summas.
We're eating more organic,
And the foods we eat become us.
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on your hummus.
Garrison Keillor: Ketchup, for the good times
RD: Ketchup, ketchup
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