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English Majors script
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Listen
Garrison Keillor: ...after a message from the Partnership of English Majors. (BIRDS)
Sue Scott: Oh, Brent. Thanks for bringing me to Ravinia. What a beautiful night. You and me on a blanket under the sky and the Chicago Symphony just about to do an evening of Mahler—
Tim Russell: Right. .
SS: Are you still doing that numbers crossword?
TR: It's not a "numbers crossword." It's a Japanese logic puzzle. Sudoku.
SS: You seem obsessed with it lately.
TR: Four, four, where's the four? Ok, the 1 could go here. But then there's the diagonal, and the-oh shoot. Two sixes.
GK: Hello, is my blanket encroaching on yours?
SS: Oh— hello—
TR: ..and the four goes there, and then the five-there's that row finished-
GK: I don't want to invade your personal space.
SS: No, it's fine.
TR: But the two can't be there, so the 1 has to go-
SS: You brought strawberries, I see. And a book.
GK: I've been rereading Robert Graves.
TR: Ooo! There's a 9 there. Don't know how I missed that. Big time, big time. Now I need a seven.
SS: Robert Graves! Surely you jest!
GK: No.
SS: You're the only person I've ever met in my life who reads Robert Graves. I adore him.
GK: So do I.
SS: His poems come from such a private place.
GK: "By this exchange of eyes, this encirclement...
SS: "...you of me, I of you, together we baffle logic...
GK: "...no doubt, but never understanding..."
TR: Two, then a 4 moves over here, and then—
SS: Would you mind if I moved over to your blanket?
GK: Not at all. Who's he?
SS: Oh. Brent. Just a guy I know.
GK: Is that a ring on your finger?
SS: This? Oh! My gosh. Where did this come from? No wonder my hand felt odd. There. All gone now.
GK: I'm an English major. Just so you know.
SS: An English major! So am I!
GK: Really!
SS: I mean, what are the odds-two English majors out on the lawn at Ravinia, waiting to hear the Chicago Symphony Orchestra-
GK: I'm not sure, I'm not a numbers guy.
SS: It makes me ecstatic. My melancholy: gone. I feel I'm on the verge of doing something injudicious.
GK: What's he doing?
SS: Playing a game with numbers.
TR: Hey who's this guy? And why are you in his arms right now?
SS: It's fate. I'm a word person, Brent. I have a dictionary I need to share with someone. Words I need to speak to someone who listens. And now the words have become... flesh. (SHE SHIVERS)
GK: A message from the Partnership of English Majors.
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A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?
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Scripts and bits from A Prairie Home Companion celebrate the secret society of men and women who possess excellent spelling and punctuation skills. (You know who you are.)
Selections include "The Six-Minute Hamlet," a tribute to Emily Dickinson, a Guy Noir adventure that exposes an MFA scam, a riveting "Professional Organization of English Majors" drama, and guests Billy Collins, Robert Bly, Roy Blount Jr., and Calvin Trillin.
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