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Cardio script
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Listen
Garrison Keillor: If you're unable to exercise as much as you should, There's an easy way to get your heart rate up, you can do it simply by listening to this CD.
Sue Scott (ON PHONE): My name is Ellen Flexner, sir, I'm with the IRS. We'd like you to come downtown in about fifteen minutes, sir. And bring a toothbrush and a change of underwear with you, okay?
GK: You can get your heart pounding and work up a fine sweat in just minutes.
Tim Russell: It's nothing to worry about — really — but we think you may have suffered a cerebral hemmorhoid. Do you feel any tingling in any part of your body? Do you have a hard time remembering words? Do you ever lose your balance? I'm going to look into the pupil of your right eye now — just focus on my forehead — uh huh — ah — hmmm —- my goodness —- well—- okay —--. Do you have a living will so you can donate body organs in the event of your decease? Would you like to fill out one now?
GK: Yes, why pay expensive health club fees when you can wear yourself out thinking about dire possibilities?
Erica Rhodes: Dad? Could I talk to you for a minute? Now? Here— why don't you sit down. You know how I've been feeling so sick in the morning lately, throwing up and everything? Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and he did some tests today and guess what?
GK: Yes, fear can give you as good a cardiovascular workout as you'd get on a treadmill.
TR: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to deny that this bottle of tequila under the front seat was yours or the two-point-eight kilos of marijuana in the trunk or the loaded rifle beside it—
SS: And also bring the deed to your house, and — this is just between you and me, sir — if you don't have a lawyer, now might be a good time to contact one.
ER: So I'm going to have twins. Isn't that great? I'd like you to meet Curt—
TK: Hi, Dad. Me and Jessica — we're sure looking forward to moving in here with you. You mind if I smoke? Sorry about the blood on my shirt. I just got released from the county jail.
GK: Feel the burn! Chair Exercise CDs. Stay slim through anxiety.
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