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Ketchup script
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Listen
Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. We've been working on our Halloween costumes and Jim decided to be a zombie this year so he tried on some zombie clothes and we took one look at him and it was just too scary. — (TR ZOMBIE) It's too real, Jim. — So he's going to dress up as Bill Clinton instead. (TR CLINTON: Howdy. Good to see you, little girl. How about some candy?) And I'm going to dress up as Ann Coulter (FLAT) Come in, liberal atheist child. Have an apple. — We put up some cobwebs and skeletons and then one night, the doorbell rang — Jim went to answer it — who was it, Jim?
Tim Russell: That's the fourth kid today who's come to our door trick-or-treating for school, Barb.
SS: Trick-or-treating for school?
TR: They're going door to door trying to raise money to buy textbooks.
SS: But we already make the sacrifice of paying taxes—
TR: Barb, did you know this country spends five times as much on defense as it does on education?
SS: Sounds good to me. We're under attack, Jim. We're creating new enemies every day. Kids need to learn paranoia the same as the rest of us, Jim.
TR: We never had to go begging for textbooks though—
SS: We had to worry about nuclear annihilation, Jim. And hippies. And the destruction of American culture by liberals.
TR: Next thing you know these kids will be working in sweatshops for 35 cents an hour.
SS: Start em at 25 cents and let em work their way up, Jim.
TR: I don't know who you are, Barb. Where is the woman I married?
SS: Sorry, this Ann Coulter costume turned out to be more fun than I thought it'd be.
TR: Maybe we'd better have some ketchup, Barb. It contains natural mellowing agents that help people know who they are, even if they're in costume.
Rich Dworsky (SINGS)
These are the good years
For learning fundamentals.
Nature is generous,
It nourishes and gentles
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on your lentils.
GK: Ketchup, for the good times
RD: Ketchup, ketchup
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