A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Lentil script
Saturday, October 7, 2006
Listen

Garrison Keillor: And now we're going to a video of this year's Lentil Festival in Pullman. Traffic is rerouted (CARS PASSING, HONKING) for the 100 kilometer bicycle ride, the Tour de Lentil and here they come now (PACK OF BICYCLES PASSING, THEN SOME STRAGGLERS). Out on Cougar Plaza there is live music (BAGPIPE) as the Lion's Club lentil pancake breakfast begins, and here is a man tossing a lentil pancake (FLUTTER TOSS). And now here comes the parade, led by the man from the Pea and Lentil Commission wearing a lentil costume (FOOTSTEPS, GREETINGS)and here is the honor guard (MARCHING FEET, DRUMS) and the float with the queens (QUEEN GREETINGS PASSING)and the vintage cars (THREE CARS, OLD ENGINES, OLD HORNS)and here is a roller skater (SKATER PASSING) and the old fire truck (OLD TIRED SIREN) and best of all here is the lentil food court where you can purchase lentil food products such as this delicious lentil chili (BIG GLOPS, AND SPLORTS) — And here is Miss Lentil showing off the "Bean-Dazzler", the hot new way to turn lentils into high fashion jewelry. (FLOURISH). The deep, rich colors of lentils makes them perfect for decorating clothing (RIVET SOUND), jewelry (RIVET) or furniture (RIVET). Lentils can accessorize anything! Like a beaded purse. Look at how those beans shimmer in the light (FLOURISH). Or if you're into body piercing you can have lentils implanted in your nose (RIVET THROUGH FLESH). These shiny, luminescent legumes.....it's now, it's you, it's the lentil look.

Fred Newman (SINGS): I'm a Protein Cowboy. Riding out on a horse in a high fiber rodeo. Like a Protein Cowboy. Lentils are cheap, they save you all kinds of dough. And make your cholesterol low.