Catchup script
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Listen

Sue Scott: These are the good years for Jim and me. We've been doing yardwork all week, raking leaves and bagging them, and the fresh air makes us both feel so energized, and Jim is on three weeks' medical leave for chest pains, which turned out to stomach gas, but you never know, of course, and it's good to be careful. So he's been taking long naps and cutting down on baked apples for a while. And then the delivery man brought us by mistake a big box of fresh fruit that was actually a gift for the man next door. But he's not the sort of person who'd appreciate fresh fruit. And it was a gift from a woman in Chicago who he's been dating and frankly we don't think he's right for her anyway. So we kept it. We should have been happy. But then one day I came down for breakfast and found Jim in the kitchen, tangled in wires and surrounded by plastic goblins and blow-up ghosts. (JIM STRUGGLES) Jim—what on earth are you doing?

Tim Russell: I'm getting the Halloween display ready for the front porch, Barb, and the extension cords are all tangled.

SS: Aren't we going to use the electric pumpkin? The one that lights up and it chuckles and plays the Alfred Hitchcock theme?

TR: I want to update, Barb. I bought three zombies — animatronic zombies that jump out from the trees and snatch at people and make zombie sounds—

SS: You're going to terrify small children, Jim—

TR: It's not about terror, Barb. It's about intensifying life. I've got this coffin and there's a body that sits up and talks and we'll put strobe lights out and you and I will wear white makeup with blood dripping off our chins. What do you think?

SS: Don't you think that's a little weird?

TR: I need to do this, Barb. Halloween helps me express parts of myself that I can't give voice to other times of the year.

SS: Do you need to see a therapist, Jim?

TR: Halloween is my therapy, Barb.

SS: What's that standing in the dark under the tree, Jim? Is that a person?

TR: Look what happens when I click the remote switch, Barb— (CLICK)

SS: He's moving— he's walking — oh my gosh, he's walking straight toward me. It— it's Dick Cheney—

TR (CHENEY): Some people don't understand that we have enemies who are out to do us harm.

SS: He's coming up the steps, Jim—

TR (CHENEY): They could strike us at any time. And they will. And that's why we may need to take somebody and stick their head under water for awhile.

SS: Turn him off, Jim.

TR (CHENEY): I'm not talking about torture, I'm just (HE SLOWS DOWN, VOICE GOING DEEPER) talking about putting your head under water.

SS: I think that man needs more ketchup. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help us see when you've gone too far.

TR: Let's go light the pumpkin, Barb.

Rich Dworsky (SINGS):
These are the good years,
The best of times, Lord willing.
Fall turns into winter
And life becomes more thrilling.
Life is flowing
Like pumpkin pie filling.

Garrison Keillor: Ketchup, for the good times.

RD: Ketchup, ketchup.