A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Drunk script
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...after this message in the public interest...If you're planning to drink on New Year's Eve, please use your cell phone responsibly. One of the side effects of alcohol is a belief that people want to hear from you at 3 in the morning. The Bureau Against Drunk Dialing reminds you: give your phone to a friend. Don't call when you're drunk. (FN DRUNK) 'Hey, I wonder if Allison doesn't want to get back together with me.) Maybe you've come up with a great idea to fly to Las Vegas this morning and get there in time for the kickoff. Don't do it.

Sue Scott: Yeah, um, Frank, I don't know how to break this to you but...(BIG YAWN) all of those reasons I told you I didn't like you before, (YAWN) they haven't changed just because you're drunk.

Fred Newman: I really need to talk to you. No really. Just let me get this out. I got passed over for a promotion when they gave it to somebody totally unqualified.

GK: Sleep on it. You'll feel different tomorrow. If you're going to drink , don't call.

TR: (FRAT BOY) Duuuude! I just figured out why people have fingers. It's so we can grab stuff out of our pockets. Humans are the only animals with pockets. Except for kangaroos. I don't know if they have fingers or not. Probably.

GK: A message in the public interest.