F-Train script
Saturday, March 17, 2007
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Garrison Keillor: ...coming up later on many of these stations. The F Train...the story of Ellen and Rob, lovers in two separate boroughs.

(THEME MUSIC)

Sue Scott: I can't take it anymore. It's over.

Tim Russell: What?

SS: It's the F train, Rob. It's my only way to come over here, and it's a local — this just isn't going to work out.

TR: But you're the love of my life—

SS: Do you know how many stops there are between your place and mine, Rob? Twenty-seven stops. Twenty-seven!!!

TR: So read a book—

SS: I'm tired of reading books on the subway! I want to live!

TR: But Ellen, we've been together for five years. Why is it a problem now?

SS: Rob, in those five years, I've spent a year and a half on the F Train. A year and a half, standing on a platform looking down the tunnel for headlights. That's not how it's supposed to be.

TR: So what are you saying?

SS: Let's move in together, Rob. Let's share an address.

TR: Ellen, you see how small this place is.

SS: I know, I know, and I have roommates. So why don't we get our own place?

TR: We're looking, Ellen. I check Craigslist every day.

SS: I just don't think we're going to find a two-bedroom doorman building with views of the park, Rob. Not for $600 a month.

TR: You've got to dare to dream, Ellen.

SS: Maybe we should look in Queens-

TR: Queens! You want me to leave Manhattan and go to Queens??? Just so we can have a home???

SS: Rob, I live out of a bag. My life is a search for public restrooms. The panhandlers give me Christmas cards. Let's cohabitate, Rob. It's time.

TR: My therapist is very clear: no sudden moves. Inside I'm full of unspoken needs and unresolved conflicts—

SS: You're 44 years old—(DOOR OPENS)

TR: Where are you going?

SS: Back to Brooklyn.

TR: Back to Brooklyn—but why?

SS: I forgot to bring underwear—

TR: You can borrow mine—

SS: I'm tired of wearing your underwear. I have my own. In Brooklyn.

TR: Are you coming back?

SS: I've got to run. If I miss this train, the next one isn't for another 47 minutes. Bye. (AIR KISS)

(MUSIC UP)

GK: That's later tonight on The F Train (SUBWAY SFX)

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