A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Café Boeuf script
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Listen

Garrison Keillor: Our show is brought to you by the Café Boeuf with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bon soir, Maurice.

Tom Keith: You're sorry about what?

GK: Bon soir!

TK: Yes, of course we have a bar. Come. This way. Bon soir, monsieur.

GK: Right. Bon soir.

TK: Park your car? Of course not. I am a maitre'd. (FRENCH IRRITATION) Here — a table for one—

GK: Okay, what's on the menu tonight?

TK: Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH)— and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).

GK: Good.

TK: You wish to order?

GK: This dish— this (GIBBERISH) — this doesn't contain—

TK: What is that? (GIBBERISH) I didn't say that. I said that we are serving (GIBBERISH)—

GK: What did I say?

TK: You told me that my wife looks like a suitcase.

GK: I'm sorry. I only meant to ask about the food.

TK: What about it?

GK: Maurice, this dish — is this brains or kidneys.

TK: You don't eat brains or kidneys?

GK: No.

TK: Or the lips? You don't eat that?

GK: No. We don't.

TK: (FRENCH SHRUG, GIBBERISH) Well, then we have the sandwich au beurre de cacahuètes et confiture.

GK: Sounds good. What is that?

TK: It is the sandwich of the jelly and the butter made from peanuts.

GK: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

TK: Oui. For nineteen dollars.

GK: Nineteen dollars for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich????

TK: Otherwise, we have the (GIBBERISH) with the (GIBBERISH FOR SMALL) —

GK: Okay. I'll have the peanut butter and jelly.

TK: How about a wine with that?

GK: What kind of wine would I have with a peanut butter sandwich?

TK: A peanut noir.

GK: The Café Boeuf.... The home of good eaters, of good taste, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH) (PLAYOFF)