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Café Boeuf script
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Listen
Garrison Keillor: Our show is brought to you by the Café Boeuf with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bon soir, Maurice.
Tom Keith: You're sorry about what?
GK: Bon soir!
TK: Yes, of course we have a bar. Come. This way. Bon soir, monsieur.
GK: Right. Bon soir.
TK: Park your car? Of course not. I am a maitre'd. (FRENCH IRRITATION) Here — a table for one—
GK: Okay, what's on the menu tonight?
TK: Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH)— and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).
GK: Good.
TK: You wish to order?
GK: This dish— this (GIBBERISH) — this doesn't contain—
TK: What is that? (GIBBERISH) I didn't say that. I said that we are serving (GIBBERISH)—
GK: What did I say?
TK: You told me that my wife looks like a suitcase.
GK: I'm sorry. I only meant to ask about the food.
TK: What about it?
GK: Maurice, this dish — is this brains or kidneys.
TK: You don't eat brains or kidneys?
GK: No.
TK: Or the lips? You don't eat that?
GK: No. We don't.
TK: (FRENCH SHRUG, GIBBERISH) Well, then we have the sandwich au beurre de cacahučtes et confiture.
GK: Sounds good. What is that?
TK: It is the sandwich of the jelly and the butter made from peanuts.
GK: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
TK: Oui. For nineteen dollars.
GK: Nineteen dollars for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich????
TK: Otherwise, we have the (GIBBERISH) with the (GIBBERISH FOR SMALL) —
GK: Okay. I'll have the peanut butter and jelly.
TK: How about a wine with that?
GK: What kind of wine would I have with a peanut butter sandwich?
TK: A peanut noir.
GK: The Café Boeuf.... The home of good eaters, of good taste, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH) (PLAYOFF)
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