ELCA script
Saturday, April 21, 2007

Garrison Keillor: You went to an expensive school and got a BA, but now you find yourself working in a novelty shop at the mall, selling plastic eyeball keychains and humorous t-shirts — why? Because you followed your heart and majored in theater.

Tim Russell: (STONER) Yeah, but theater is what I want to do...

GK: And one day you oversleep and you're fired.

TR (STONER): What do you mean, fired?

GK: So you have to move back in with your parents.

Sue Scott (MIDWESTERN): In return for board and room, you'll be cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, and doing our laundry.

GK: (LAWNMOWER STARTS) You're back where you were when you were thirteen, mowing your parents' lawn. And all because of a lack of job counseling at your expensive college. You were encouraged to think you were a genius who needed an outlet for self-expression. And that was wrong. You need to talk to Evelyn Lundberg. At the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency you get straight advice. No beating around the bushes.

SS (EVELYN): Theater! I'll show you theater! You're headed for a career in day care.

TR (STONER): Day care!!! But I don't like kids.

SS (EVELYN): That's a good start. We can build on that. Ever change a diaper? You'll learn. Know the words to the Hokey Pokey? You'll learn. And look at me when I talk to you. Hear me? Nod your head if you understand.

GK: The Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency. She doesn't explore feelings or talk about your issues, she tells you what to do.

SS (EVELYN): Just shape up. Get over yourself. Get a grip.

GK: Better to hear it from Evelyn than from a judge in a courtroom. The ELCA.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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