A Prairie Home Companion: May 12, 2007

NYA script
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Listen

Garrison Keillor: ...brought to you by New York Airlines. You get it straight when you fly New York.

SS (ON INTERCOM): This is Elaine, your lead flight attendant. As some of you have pointed out, we're still sitting on the runway. Yes, we have been here for two hours. Good for you, you can tell time. Are you going to miss your connections? I have no idea. Deal with it. Some of you have inquired about food, and I'm happy to inform you that you have a choice of snack. The snack is salted peanuts. And the choice is Yes or No. And if you want water to go with your peanuts, fuggetaboutit. We're out. Okay? You'll survive. Just get over yourselves. And I can see those angry looks and you know something? I don't care. You want to be angry, I'll be angry and I'll tell Captain Moscone and let me tell you, he knows how to find turbulence when he is in the mood to find turbulence. He'll go down to 4000 feet if he has to. So don't push it too far. I see some seat backs that need to be brought to an upright position and if they're not, I'm going to come back there and put you into an upright position. Don't make me get rough.

TR (NY, ON INTERCOM): And that goes for me too. This is your captain speaking. We got reports of some turbulence up ahead that if we run into it, you folks are going to be using your seat cushions for a toilet. You want me to hit that turbulence, I will. Any mouthing off to Elaine and you're gonna need a clean pair of pants.

GK: That's New York Airlines. They're not your mother. So deal with it.