Crispy script
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Listen

(THEME)

Tim Russell (ANNC): And now, the Adventures of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF) Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal...the nutritious oat cereal with a valuable prize in every single box. And now, today's story. (DRAMATIC UNDERSCORE) Just outside the town of Meadowbrook, home of Earl Sanderson, holder of more merit badges than any other Eagle Scout, are a number of deep holes, the remains of a lead mine dug there in the depths of the Great Depression, and there, on this bright spring day, our story begins... (MUSIC UP AND FADE FOR...)

Garrison Keillor: (ECHOES) Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? (GROANING) I'm down here in the mineshaft. I'm pinned under a log that fell on my leg and I think I've sprained my ankle--

Sue Scott: Hello? Is someone down there? Hello?

GK: (ECHOES) Yes! I'm down here--

SS: What are you doing down there?

GK: (ECHOES) I fell in here and I'm pinned underneath a log— can you lower a rope or something?

SS: There's a warning sign up here. Didn't you see that?

GK (ECHOES): Where?

SS: Right here. It's four feet high. It says 'Danger: Open Mine Shaft.'

GK: I didn't see it.

SS: It's kind of hard to miss.

GK: Well, as soon as I get out of this hole, I'll have a look at it. —Could you just lower a rope or something?

SS: You don't sound that far down. Can't you climb up?

GK: (ECHOES) I can't. I am pinned here under a log.

SS: Have you tried to move it?

GK: (ECHOES) Yes, I have. It's a huge log.

SS: Don't have huge logs out here. It's the prairie, for crying out loud.

GK (ECHOES): It was probably part of the old lead mine. Would you mind calling Earl the Eagle Scout?

SS: Earl is in Washington, receiving an award.

GK (ECHO): Oh boy.

SS: It's a lifesaving medal for coming to the rescue of an old man in a pool of quicksand.

GK: Okay—

SS: The old man was blind. He didn't see the warning sign that said "Danger: Quicksand Ahead" because he was blind. He was walking along with his seeing eye dog, a dog named Quint, and then the dog saw a child who was about to be jumped on by a cougar up in a tree and the seeing eye dog left the blind man and chased the cougar away and the blind man heard an old lady calling for help — she had slipped and fallen on a banana — and he went to help her and he went into the quicksand and sank down right up to his nostrils — he just had his nose sticking up out of the quicksand and Earl came in and grabbed him by the nose and hauled him up, and that's what Earl is getting the medal for today. In Washington. At the White House.

GK: How about Earl's dog. Crispy the Rescue Dog?

SS: He's with Earl in Washington.

GK: Oh. Okay. There's an emergency phone on a post right there — you could call them and see if they can come—

SS: Well, what am I supposed to tell them? That a grown man walked into a hole in broad daylight despite these big warning signs that say "Danger, Open Mineshaft" —

GK: (ECHOES) The hole was covered with branches.

SS: What about the sign?

GK: (ECHOES) I didn't see it.

SS: Okay. I'll give it a try. (ROTARY PHONE, DIAL THREE NUMBERS) Hello? (VOICE AT OTHER END) I'm out by the abandoned lead mine and there's a guy down there who claims to be pinned under a big log— (VOICE AT OTHER END) He says he fell in. (VOICE AT OTHER END) Well, that's what I told him but he says he didn't see it. (VOICE AT OTHER END) I know. Hard to believe. (VOICE AT OTHER END) — He says he can send somebody in half an hour.

GK: Half an hour?

SS: That's what he said.

GK: Did you tell him it's an emergency? Oh, never mind. I'll just wait.

SS: Okay. I've got to run along. I have people coming over for supper. I've got to get the charcoal lit and start making hamburger patties. — Take care. — See you later. — Have a nice day.

GK: Would you by any chance have any food with you?

SS: Yes.

GK: (ECHOES) Could you throw some down?

SS: I have some cupcakes with lemon frosting.

GK: (ECHOES) Anything less sugary?

SS: Some fruit.

GK: What kind of fruit?

SS: A banana.

GK: (ECHOES) Could you throw that down?

SS: All right. Here you go. (SHE TOSSES, PAUSE. KONK) Oh. I threw a coconut by mistake. — Hello? —Are you all right? — Did I hit you with the coconut? Hello? — (TO HERSELF) I can't see him— maybe if I go over here— (CRY OF ALARM, SHE FALLS, LANDS WITH A THUD. GROAN)

GK: You okay?

SS: Where are you?

GK: Right here.

SS: Oh my gosh.

GK: You almost landed right on me.

SS: What's this on my legs?

GK: It's a log.

SS: Where'd that come from?

GK: Part of the old lead mine.

SS: Good I called emergency when I did.

GK: Yeah.

SS: They'll be here in half an hour.

GK: Right. What do you want to talk about until they come?

SS: I don't know. What do you want to talk about?

(THEME)

TR (ANNC): The makers of Tasty Morsels breakfast cereal, the nutritious oat cereal with a prize in every box, has brought you another episode of the Adventures of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his Rescue Dog, Crispy. (BARKS) (THEME OUT)