A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

ELCA script
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Listen

Garrison Keillor: After this message from the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency. The ELCA.

If you're trapped in a downward spiral of anger and depression and regular therapy is just too expensive, come to the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency. She'll tell you what to do in one session, and she'll do it for 25 dollars.

Sue Scott (EVELYN): Get over yourself, that's what you should do. Think you can handle that?

GK: Basic therapy just takes someone to be frank and honest, and set you back on the path to glory. And that's what Evelyn Lunderg can do for you. In and out, in one visit.

SS (EVELYN): What's your problem? The sun is out, you're healthy, you're reasonably attractive-what are you doing here? Get out of my office!

GK: Evelyn Lundberg serves it up cold. And sometimes, that's just what you need.

SS (EVELYN): You know what your problem is? I'll tell you. You're turning yourself inside out with your selfish narcissistic fantasies. Including the fantasy that there's something wrong with you. Well guess what? There's not. You're just like everybody else. Now get over yourself and go live your life.

GK: That's the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency. She gets it done in one session. So you can live for today, starting tomorrow.