Rhubarb sfxt
Saturday, June 2, 2007
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We're at the Rhubarb Festival in Lanesboro across the Root River from the center of town — up on the hill in Bethlehem Lutheran the Nordic Choir of Luther College is performing for the Rhubarb Fest —

BEAUTIFUL RHUBARB, ONE VERSE

— the carnival is next door with a ride called The Thresher TR MONSTER VOICE: Welcome to The Thresher. BASS THROB. SLOW CREAKING, THEN ROCKET ACCEL, SCREECHING AROUND CORNERS, KIDS SCREAMING PITIFULLY, BIG DROP, BIG ASCENT, THEN SPINNING, AND FADE... INTO BRIDGE) SFX). The Rhubarb Eating contest is going on nearby (CRUNCHING, LOW GROANS) two contestants remaining, each of whom have eaten five pies and they're working on the sixth (MOANING) and over here is the ride they call the Churn (WHIRLING ACCEL) and then there's the Viking ship ride that turns all the way upside down (GROANING OF RIGGING, CHILDREN'S CRIES) and let's check in with that pie eating contest again (SLOWER EATING, GROANING, NAUSEA) They're up to seven pies apiece and they're both leaning over in an odd way — we'll check back with them a minute later — and now here's the waterslide — people sit inside giant fiberglass duck decoys and they go down the slide (WATERSLIDE) and into the Root River where I see there is also a submarine ride (KLAXON, "DIVE DIVE" SONAR) up and down the Root River in search of the elusive river dolphins who live there and some of those humpback catfish and the giant gator gar which can grow up to fifteen feet in length and have been known to swallow an entire canoe and spit out its passengers. And now, speaking of spitting out, let's check with the rhubarb pie eating contest — one contestant has fallen and one is still standing (NAUSEA) and he appears about to put one more piece of pie in his mouth — this is the piece that will make him a winner (NAUSEA) — go ahead, sir — meanwhile, the EMTs are working on the other contestant (VENT, MURMURS) — c'mon, sir, eat that piece of rhubarb pie (NAUSEA) — the prize is a knockwurst dinner for two at Die Wurst Haus — (GROAN, RUNNING AWAY) — and over here is an exciting ride called the Human Slingshot — a man is being strapped into the seat now, a man who has been lightly medicated (DRUNK) and now they're pulling back the two bungee cords and he will be hurled approximately a quarter mile out into the middle of Lake Lanesboro where a trained gater gar, a sort of giant walleye, will catch him in its mouth and bring him to shore (RATCH ET TIGHTER AND TIGHTER, THEN WHOOSH OF AIR PRESSURE, CRY OF ALARM, BIG RUBBER SPROING AND FLIGHT OF PERSON INTO AIR)

And there he goes, a little speck in the sky and we can see the fish racing to make the catch and — (FISH ROAR) the fish is in the air and (GULP) has the man in its jaws and he — what is he doing — he spits the man out (PTUI) and the man is caught by the rescue squad (MOTORBOAT SPEEDING) and he is up and on his feet and he is waving. And there is a pontoon boat (SFX) with members of the Nordic Choir of Luther College on it and they are singing — let's go to the boat —

BEAUTIFUL RHUBARB, VERSE 2

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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