Bush Script
Saturday, June 9, 2007
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Garrison Keillor: It's been such a pleasure having Martin Sheen with us on the show. A man who gave hope to millions through his portrayal of President Josiah Bartlett on "The West Wing" —

Martin Sheen: Hello, I'm Martin Sheen. And it was a privilege playing the part of the president on TV.

Tim Russel (BUSH): I know what that's like. Been doing it for six years.

MS: After my role on the West Wing, a lot of people wanted me to run for president. Until they found out my real name is Ramon EstÚvez. That kind of cooled their jets.

TR (BUSH): Of course it did. Can't have people sneaking up across the border thinking they can be president. Unless of course they register in a temporary work program. I don't have a problem with that.

MS: But I was born in the US. I'm from Dayton Ohio. So it's ok. I could be president if I wanted to.

TR (ARNOLD): You are so lucky. They won't let me be president. Just because I'm from Austria. It's not fair.

MS: The thing is, I'm an actor. And being an actor does not qualify a person to be president. So maybe I shouldn't.

TR (REAGAN): Well, there you go again. You forgot about me. I was an actor, and then I was president. Go figure.

TR (ARNOLD): I was a bodybuilder and now I'm the governor. I am amazing. A one-of-a-kind.

TR (BUSH): Then there's me. I was a baseball guy, sitting in the owner's box, sitting there watching games and shelling peanuts. And now I rule the world. Neat, isn't it? Say what'd you do there before you were president, Mr. Sheen?

MS: Like I said, I wasn't actually president. I just played one on tv. I was the acting president.

TR (BUSH): Heck, what's the difference? Either way, you gotta wear a suit.

TR (CLINTON): I'd like to say something. First of all, I like wearing suits. I look good in them. Second of all, I wanna tell you why West Wing was so popular. It's because I made the presidency look so cool, they made it into a show. Attractive people saying smart things. Just like when I was in the White House.

MS: Anyway I have no interest in being president. I went back to Ireland to continue my college education. And I'm thinking about going back for more

TR (BUSH): I should do that. Go back to college. A lot of people have told me that. But how old are you, anyway?

MS: I'm 66 years old.

TR (BUSH): Yeah but do you know how old you're going to be by the time you get done with school?

MS: The same age I'll be if I don't go back to school.

(A BEAT)

TR (BUSH): So how old is that?

MS: I don't know. About 70, I guess.

TR (REAGAN): There's nothing wrong with being old. I kind of liked it.

TR (ARNOLD): I'm as strong as I ever was — go ahead, hit me in the stomach. Do it. Hard as you can.

MS: I'd rather not.

TR (CLINTON): I'll do it.

TR (ARNOLD): Not you. Him. Hit me. Give me your best shot, Mr. Fakey Fake president.

MS: I don't want to hurt you.

TR (ARNOLD): Hit me come on, hit me. Do it.

MS: Fine. (WALLOP, HE GROANS, MUTTERS IN GERMAN)

TR (BUSH): So much for Conan the Republican.

MS: I told you I didn't want to do it.

TR (CLINTON): I think we should solve things with love. And when I'm the first gentleman, I'll make sure that happens.

GK: Our time is up here.

TR (BUSH): Our time is up? How come I didn't get to say anything?

TR (REAGAN): That was the point, idiot. Our plan worked.

GK: Thanks for joining us on the show, Martin Sheen...

TR (CLINTON): Always get in the last word. That's my motto. Goodnight.

TR (BUSH): You're standing right in front of me. Move.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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