 |
Geese script
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Listen
Garrison Keillor: ...it's fall and the geese are heading south high in the clear blue sky —(GEESE HONKING, WINGS FLAPPING) — and there goes a bunch of them now— let's talk to one. Hey!!!! Down here!!!! (GOOSE DESCENDS, WINGS FLAPPING, AND LANDS. HONKS)
Tim Russell: What do you want?
GK: How's it going, goose?
TR: It's great. But I'm kind of in the middle of something here—
GK: Just want to ask a few questions-(HONKING, OFF)
TR (GOOSE): I couldn't help but hear you refer to us as a "bunch" of geese— it's called a flock — or, as we say in French, (GOOSE FRENCH).
GK: You're bilingual.
TR (GOOSE): Of course. I'm a Canada goose.
GK: Amazing.
TR (GOOSE): Have you ever been to Canada?
GK: I have— I'm just surprised at how well you enunciate your words, speaking with a beak, rather than lips — how do you form the consonants so clearly?
TR (GOOSE): Come here and bend over and I'll show you.
GK: I'm not going to bend over.
TR (GOOSE): All right then just look in my mouth. Ahhhhhhwawawawaaaaaahh—see it?
GK: You have quite a large tongue.
TR (GOOSE): Exactly. (GOOSE FRENCH)
GK: Impressive. So where are you flying to?
TR (GOOSE): I have no idea.
GK: You don't know where you're going?
TR (GOOSE): South, I guess. Down. Who cares?
GK: I thought you were guided by powerful migratory instincts —
TR (GOOSE): What?
GK: Powerful migratory instincts?
TR (GOOSE): I stink?
GK: Instincts.
TR (GOOSE): What are those?
GK: Never mind. Why do you fly South?
TR (GOOSE): Why??? Why???
GK: Yes.
TR (GOOSE): You don't know why??
GK: I'm asking you.
TR (GOOSE): You must not have the sense that God gave geese.
GK: Bears stay. Deer stay.
TR (GOOSE): Bears can't fly. Luckily for you.
(CHUCKLES) We fly south for exercise. Work off some weight. Also we're sick of Canada. I mean, it's okay part-time, but the food isn't great. Too many wieners. But we love Mexican food. It turns your poop green, but it's kind of zingy, you know? And we can swim down there. No ice.
GK: Okay. Sounds good.
TR: But I gotta go. My flock is way down there.
GK: Don't let us keep you. Thanks for stopping.
TR: You bet—Au revoir! (GOOSE TAKES OFF, GOOSE FRENCH RECEDES, (FLAPPING WINGS AND TR HONKING AND OFF...)
| | | |
| |
