 |
Gore script
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Listen
Tim Russell (GORE): Hi. I'm Al Gore. Guess what I did yesterday? I won a Nobel Prize. And I did it without the intervention of the Supreme Court. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. Nobel Peace Prize. Me. Al Gore. I went out there and wrote a book and made a movie while George W. Numbnuts got us into war and lost a major American city and put us gazillions in debt. You're doing a heckuva job, charley.
Garrison Keillor: Congratulations, Mr. Gore. And now under the equal time provisions of the F.C.C. —
TR (BUSH): Nobel Peace Prize, huh? What kind of little statuette they give you with that? Those Swedes know about as much about peace as they know about barbecued shrimp. So you're popular in Stockholm. Hubba hubba. Go run for president in Sweden. You and that goody two-shoes Jimmy Carter. Maybe you should grow that beard back. Made you look like an English professor or something.
GK: Congratulations to former Vice President Al Gore on winning the Nobel Peace Prize—
TR (BUSH): I hated your book, by the way. Who wrote it for you?
TR (GORE): Sorry you didn't like it. Who read it to you?
TR (BUSH): You did. I listened to the book on tape. It was like listening to mom telling me to clean my room.
TR (GORE): Nice of you to sit down and listen to something somebody else has to say for once—
TR (BUSH): I didn't sit down. I did it on the treadmill. Almost fell off cause I fell asleep.
TR (GORE): Well this country is on a treadmill when it comes to taking responsibility for our collective carbon footprint—
TR (BUSH): You got a pretty big footprint yourself, wide ride. What are you up to now—280? 300?
TR (GORE): The fact is that I won a Nobel Peace Prize, which is pretty cool and you know it.
TR (BUSH): You sure you won? Maybe we oughta have a judge take a look at the ballots.
TR (GORE): This is Al Gore and I won the Nobel Peace Prize.
TR (BUSH): I'm gotta go run the country— see ya round, Pumpkin.
GK: Thanks, Mr. President. Al Gore, Nobel Prizewinner. And we wish him well.
| | | |
Sign up here for our weekly e-pistle about what's happening at A Prairie Home Companion! Heck, while you're there, sign up for the daily e-mail from The Writer's Almanac too
Relive all the glory of past joke shows with our selection of pretty good merchandise. A selection of joke books and CDs containing every morsel of comedy from most of our (in)famous Joke Shows. Hundreds of snickers, howlers, one-liners, and groaners, audience-tested and certified Pretty Good.
|
Scripts and bits from A Prairie Home Companion celebrate the secret society of men and women who possess excellent spelling and punctuation skills. (You know who you are.)
Selections include "The Six-Minute Hamlet," a tribute to Emily Dickinson, a Guy Noir adventure that exposes an MFA scam, a riveting "Professional Organization of English Majors" drama, and guests Billy Collins, Robert Bly, Roy Blount Jr., and Calvin Trillin.
|
| |
