Crispy script
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Listen

TR (ANNC): And now, the Adventures of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF) Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal...the nutritious oat cereal with a valuable prize in every single box. And now, today's story.

(DRIPPING, DISTANT TRAFFIC)

GK: (ECHOES) Hello? Hello? I fell down a manhole and I can't get up-can anybody hear me? Hello? Hello?

(FOOTSTEPS, OFF)

SS: Hello? Is somebody down there? I was on my way to a play—I thought I heard a voice-

GK: Yes it's me. I'm down here.

SS: What happened to this manhole cover?

GK: I was wondering that myself.

SS: Where are you? Is that you?

GK: Yes.

SS: How could you fall through an open manhole?

GK: I was checking my voicemail and I just fell down. Could you get some help, please?

SS: Isn't there a ladder down there? I'm sure Con-Ed puts ladders in it's manholes. Con-Ed is our electric company, perhaps you didn't know that.

GK: You know- Just because I fell in a manhole doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

SS: Well you don't have to get snippy with me, sir . I was only trying to help. I'm on my way to a play. I have more to do than stand here talking to you, I hope you know.

GK: Could you call 911?

SS: I mean you're lucky I stopped—Do you see other people stopping? No, you don't.

GK: Would you mind calling 911?

SS: Well I might, but I really don't care for that tone of voice of yours.

GK: Look—I'm at the bottom of a hole sitting in a pool of filthy water.

SS: Okay, but did I push you into the manhole? No, I did not.

GK: You know what-just forget it. Go to your play and enjoy it. Have a big time. It doesn't matter. I'll just lie down here and die.

SS: Oh you are such a victim, aren't you?

GK: Go on your way and eventually someone else will fall in and then I can stand on his shoulders and climb out and help him out and it'll be okay.

SS: Now just hang on a second, sir. I think there's an emergency vehicle coming (SIREN APPROACHES)

GK: Finally -

(SIREN PASSES)

SS: I guess that was for someone else.

GK: Of course. Could you call 911—please?

SS: Hmmm-I wonder if you would dial 911 in a situation like this-or if you should call 311.

GK: You know, I'm done talking to you—just go away.

SS: Now hold on, sir-there's someone coming. A grown man in a boy scout uniform. And he's got a dog with him (GROWLING, OFF)

GK: But that sounds like-it couldn't be-not here in Midtown Manhattan---(DOG BARKS)

TR: Hello? Hello? Is anybody down there? (SNIFFING)

GK: Is that Earl Sanderson the Eagle Scout?

TR: Yes, it's me. And my rescue dog Crispy. (ARF ARF)

SS: I was just about to call 311—

GK: What are you doing in New York, Earl?

TR: I'm here for a knot-tying conference. They're putting us up at the Millenium for a couple of days. (WOOF). Me and Crispy both.

SS: The Millenium? Huh. How is that?

TR: It's good. We haven't had a problem.

SS: I haven't stayed in a New York hotel in ages. Because I live here. Do they still have bellboys who bring ice to the room?

GK: You know I'm still down here-hello? Me-a guy at the bottom of a manhole-

TR: Just hang on a second, sir. We'll have you out of here in no time.

GK: I'm two hours late for a very important lunch. They may be wondering where I am—

SS: You think they're going to wait two hours? Ha!

TR: Okay, hold on sir. I've got a rope right here -Soon as I can find something to tie it to—Uh oh.

GK: What's wrong?

TR: I'm missing the hook that hooks onto your belt. I have to go back to the hotel and get the hook, sir.

GK: What do you mean go back to the hotel -

SS: He's gone, sir. He just hailed a taxi and got in and took off-

GK: How could he do that?

SS: He left and took the dog with him.

GK: I thought we were in the middle of a rescue, here.

SS: I can drop you a coffee and read you the paper if you like.

GK: Don't drop anything hot down here, okay? Thank you.

SS: You want me to read you the news?

GK: Like what for example?

SS: They're forecasting a recession.

GK: Oh great. No news, please. How about the comics?

SS: There are no comics in the New York Times, sir.

GK: Wait—here's someone coming along -

SS: Sir—excuse me—sir—sir! No! Don't go -

(MAN FALLING, BANG, SPLAT, GROAN)

GK: You okay, sir?

TR (BLOOM): What in sam hill is that dang manhole sitting open for? Who are you? What're you doing?

GK: Who are you?

TR (BLOOM): I'm Mayor Bloomberg.

GK: How you doing?

TR (BLOOM): I'm doing just fine. We're in a hole but we're going to get out and I'm going to show you how. Bend over.

GK: You want me to bend over -?

TR (BLOOM): Bend over and I'll step up on your back and get out and then I'll lift you out.

GK: Promise?

TK (BLOOM): Bend over.

(THEME UP)

TR (ANNC): This has been another episode of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF)-Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal. The cereal with a valuable prize in every single box.

(THEME OUT)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

American Public Media © |   Terms and Conditions   |   Privacy Policy