Crispy script
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Listen

TR (ANNC): And now, the Adventures of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF) Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal...the nutritious oat cereal with a valuable prize in every single box. And now, today's story.

(DRIPPING, DISTANT TRAFFIC)

GK: (ECHOES) Hello? Hello? I fell down a manhole and I can't get up-can anybody hear me? Hello? Hello?

(FOOTSTEPS, OFF)

SS: Hello? Is somebody down there? I was on my way to a play—I thought I heard a voice-

GK: Yes it's me. I'm down here.

SS: What happened to this manhole cover?

GK: I was wondering that myself.

SS: Where are you? Is that you?

GK: Yes.

SS: How could you fall through an open manhole?

GK: I was checking my voicemail and I just fell down. Could you get some help, please?

SS: Isn't there a ladder down there? I'm sure Con-Ed puts ladders in it's manholes. Con-Ed is our electric company, perhaps you didn't know that.

GK: You know- Just because I fell in a manhole doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

SS: Well you don't have to get snippy with me, sir . I was only trying to help. I'm on my way to a play. I have more to do than stand here talking to you, I hope you know.

GK: Could you call 911?

SS: I mean you're lucky I stopped—Do you see other people stopping? No, you don't.

GK: Would you mind calling 911?

SS: Well I might, but I really don't care for that tone of voice of yours.

GK: Look—I'm at the bottom of a hole sitting in a pool of filthy water.

SS: Okay, but did I push you into the manhole? No, I did not.

GK: You know what-just forget it. Go to your play and enjoy it. Have a big time. It doesn't matter. I'll just lie down here and die.

SS: Oh you are such a victim, aren't you?

GK: Go on your way and eventually someone else will fall in and then I can stand on his shoulders and climb out and help him out and it'll be okay.

SS: Now just hang on a second, sir. I think there's an emergency vehicle coming (SIREN APPROACHES)

GK: Finally -

(SIREN PASSES)

SS: I guess that was for someone else.

GK: Of course. Could you call 911—please?

SS: Hmmm-I wonder if you would dial 911 in a situation like this-or if you should call 311.

GK: You know, I'm done talking to you—just go away.

SS: Now hold on, sir-there's someone coming. A grown man in a boy scout uniform. And he's got a dog with him (GROWLING, OFF)

GK: But that sounds like-it couldn't be-not here in Midtown Manhattan---(DOG BARKS)

TR: Hello? Hello? Is anybody down there? (SNIFFING)

GK: Is that Earl Sanderson the Eagle Scout?

TR: Yes, it's me. And my rescue dog Crispy. (ARF ARF)

SS: I was just about to call 311—

GK: What are you doing in New York, Earl?

TR: I'm here for a knot-tying conference. They're putting us up at the Millenium for a couple of days. (WOOF). Me and Crispy both.

SS: The Millenium? Huh. How is that?

TR: It's good. We haven't had a problem.

SS: I haven't stayed in a New York hotel in ages. Because I live here. Do they still have bellboys who bring ice to the room?

GK: You know I'm still down here-hello? Me-a guy at the bottom of a manhole-

TR: Just hang on a second, sir. We'll have you out of here in no time.

GK: I'm two hours late for a very important lunch. They may be wondering where I am—

SS: You think they're going to wait two hours? Ha!

TR: Okay, hold on sir. I've got a rope right here -Soon as I can find something to tie it to—Uh oh.

GK: What's wrong?

TR: I'm missing the hook that hooks onto your belt. I have to go back to the hotel and get the hook, sir.

GK: What do you mean go back to the hotel -

SS: He's gone, sir. He just hailed a taxi and got in and took off-

GK: How could he do that?

SS: He left and took the dog with him.

GK: I thought we were in the middle of a rescue, here.

SS: I can drop you a coffee and read you the paper if you like.

GK: Don't drop anything hot down here, okay? Thank you.

SS: You want me to read you the news?

GK: Like what for example?

SS: They're forecasting a recession.

GK: Oh great. No news, please. How about the comics?

SS: There are no comics in the New York Times, sir.

GK: Wait—here's someone coming along -

SS: Sir—excuse me—sir—sir! No! Don't go -

(MAN FALLING, BANG, SPLAT, GROAN)

GK: You okay, sir?

TR (BLOOM): What in sam hill is that dang manhole sitting open for? Who are you? What're you doing?

GK: Who are you?

TR (BLOOM): I'm Mayor Bloomberg.

GK: How you doing?

TR (BLOOM): I'm doing just fine. We're in a hole but we're going to get out and I'm going to show you how. Bend over.

GK: You want me to bend over -?

TR (BLOOM): Bend over and I'll step up on your back and get out and then I'll lift you out.

GK: Promise?

TK (BLOOM): Bend over.

(THEME UP)

TR (ANNC): This has been another episode of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF)-Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal. The cereal with a valuable prize in every single box.

(THEME OUT)