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Rhubarb script
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Listen
GK: So you're having your Superbowl party—12 sweaty brutes in numbered jerseys sit in your rec room eating roasted pig with their bare hands (BARBARIANS)—drinking beer (SWIILING, BELCH), and glued to commercials—
SS (SEXY, ON TV): Hey big boy. Why don't you shake up that beer and open it in my face? (BEER SPRAYS) Yes. Good. (BRUTES GRUNT APPROVAL)
GK: A tub of chips (CRUNCHING), and dip (SPLORT SPLORT), the buffalo wings (EATING), the jell-0 shots (SQUORT GULP SQUORT GULP), and pizzas arriving every five minutes (BRUTES: Pizza! Pizza!)
GK: (BARBARIANS EATING, TV OFF) In other words, everything is going well, until— (POWER DOWN) there's a power outage. (BRUTES GRUNT QUESTIONINGLY). No lights. (LIGHT SWITCH FLICKS) No TV (BANGING ON TV, GRUNTING), no commercials—just silence in the cave (CONFUSED GRUNTING), so to relieve the tension you start breaking things. (BREAKAGE, GRUNTING)—plates (SMASH), chairs (CRUNCH), you step out the door (DOOR OPENS) and throw a bone as far as you can (THROW) and your dog takes off after it (EXCITED BARKING DOG RECEDES), and while you're out there you pull the mailbox off the front of the house (YANK, RIP), and the neighbor's, too—
GK: Why not— (RIP), and you go back inside and your friends are ripping down your shower curtain (RIPPING DOWN CURTAIN), and they're kicking out your windows (GLASS BREAKAGE), and you rip off your shirt (SHIRT RIPS OFF, TARZAN YELL, CHEST THUMPING), and then—
(DOOR OPENS)
SS (OFF): Honey? How's your Superbowl party going? Honey? Are you there?
GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(SINGS)
One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
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