Winona script
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Listen

GK: Winona is named for the Dakotah Indian princess Wehnonah, daughter of Chief Wabasha.

SS: Was not a princess. People called me that but I wasn't.

GK: According to legend, she leaped to her death rather than marry a man she did not love.

SS: False.

GK: Her father Wabasha had promised her to a Dakotah warrior named Chaska who she could not stand, and in fact she was in love with someone else.

SS: It wasn't that I couldn't stand him — he was okay — but I was vegan and he was like this big hunter and he liked to sit around the campfire and like eat these big hunks of half-raw venison with his fingers and, okay, fine, but it just wasn't me. Okay?

GK: And so she went to the top of Maiden Rock, a cliff on the other side of the river and she sang her funeral song and her parents saw and they cried out for her not to do it, she was their only child, she was all they had, and a band of warriors climbed the rocks to try to stop her but Winona said, "You've been cruel to me insisting that I marry a man I hate, and so I go to the house of the spirits," and she threw herself from the rock, and fell to her death, and her body was dressed in her finest clothing, decorated with many porcupine quills, and she was buried. And that is the story of Winona.

SS: You like that?

GK: Isn't that your story?

SS: It is. I wrote it. I was an English major. I was the first English major in Minnesota. I was an English major before anybody around here spoke English.

GK: So you made up the story?

SS: Of course.

GK: Why?

SS: Because of my dad. Cause he was like "You're gonna major in French." And I am like "Oh no way." And he was like "way" and I was like "no way." So he goes, like, the old ways are like passing and the buffalo are like getting whacked and the French are taking over and the future is in fur trading and I am like I will totally kill myself if you make me study French, I want to study English, and he goes, like, why? And I am like, forget fur, I mean like totally forget that, vegans are not going to wear dead animals on them, okay? The future is people looking for a good time — travelers, tourists — look around you — beautiful river valley — people will like come and spend money on food and lodging, but they need a story, okay? So I made a story about an Indian princess who died for love. People come and look at the cliffs and it like makes them happy. It sells a lot of postcards. Anyway...

GK: So what happened to the guy you didn't want to marry?

SS: I married him.

GK: Oh.

SS: I got him to give up red meat. We eat fish and eggs, and once a month he gets some chicken.

GK: Okay.

SS: We live in Wisconsin so we can have a nice view of Winona. And we have a big garden and I raise really great tomatoes and squash and strawberries—

GK: Any kids?

SS: Naw. Kids are so much trouble.

GK: They are, for sure. Thank you, Winona. (BAND BUTTON)