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A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Hibernation script
Saturday, March 08, 2008
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GK: Spring is coming, a time when hibernation comes to an end, and all the sleeping animals who have been underground since November come out of their burrows and they look around (SCRATCHING, GRUMPY BEAR).

GK: A lot of different animals hibernate-bears (BEAR), raccoons (RACCOON), bats (BATS) woodchucks (WOODCHUCK), skunks (SKUNK), all down there, sleeping away (MAMMALS SLEEPING), but now it's time to wake up (YAWNING).

GK: It's a confusing time for them. After a long nap, some lovely dreams—

(DREAM MUSIC)

TR (BEAR, SEXY): Hey baby. I got some nuts and roots in my den. Let's put on some weight together.

SS (BEAR, SEXY): Oh my gosh. I love the hair on your back.

TR (BEAR): Come on in, I've got blueberries.

GK: Then they wake up-often with bad headaches, (BEAR) emerge from their dens and face the fact that they are alone and 30 pounds underweight and they don't remember how they are supposed to behave. (TINY HAMMERING) Squirrels forget that they can open nuts with their teeth, so they spend way too much time trying to crack them by throwing them at rocks (SQUIRREL HURLING NUT).

GK: Bears walk around on their hind legs as if they were vice-president of something.

(BEAR MUTTERING IN DIGNIFIED WAY)

GK: Skunks lose control and spray their close friends.

(SKUNK SPRAY, ANIMALS COUGH)

FN (SKUNK): Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I just got nervous-oh boy I hate myself.

GK: It's all part of the spring season. Relearning.

TR (CHIPMUNK, MOUTH FUL): Hey. (CHITTERING) I can stuff nuts in my cheek. (CHITTERING). I don't have to carry them around in this stupid backpack. TK (LOON): Oh my gosh. Listen to this—(LOON CALL). Wow. It's good right? (LOON CALL) Awesome!

GK: And that's the miracle of spring. We find out who we are-we wake up and the truth blooms forth like a beautiful flower.

(BEE BUZZES)

FN (BEE): Hey you—flower-I'm a bee.

SS (FLOWER): I know you're a bee and I know what you want.

FN (BEE): You've got a beautiful carpel. I'd like to touch it with my leg.

SS (FLOWER): I've been waiting for you, big boy—

FN (BEE): Here I come. Get your stigma ready—

SS (FLOWER): Oh, yes, yes-pollinate me, bad boy-do it—(BEE BUZZES, FLOWER PLEASURE)

GK: It's spring. Truth and beauty. And it's only a few weeks away. Hibernation is over, and isn't it about time?


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LIBERTY

Liberty:A Novel of Lake Wobegon A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?



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