A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

- Don't Pick Your Nose lyrics
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Listen

I saw you today on the crosstown bus
Handsome, well-dressed and young
We looked at you and you looked at us
And I've got some advice for you, son.

You got a good future, I have no doubt
So cool and wearing new clothes
Intelligent, loyal, and maybe devout,
But please---- don't pick your nose.

Please don't pick your nose
No matter how good it feels
It's one of those basic manifestoes
One of your parents basic ideals
No matter how life goes:
It's not evil, horrendous, or wicked.
Just don't pick it.

So many young men were succeeding
They were admired and revered---
They were holding a very important meeting
And suddenly their finger disappeared.

People tried not to stare
Everyone was discreet
Those young men are no longer there
They are begging for change in the street.

Please don't pick your nose
Even if you use secret techniques
Nobody does it, not top CEOs
None of the classic Romans or Greeks
None of the Sioux or Navahos
Unless you're alone with the shades pulled on the window so nobody can look through it
Don't do it.

Other things we can tolerate.
Some food stains on your clothes
Showing up a few minutes late
Clipping the nails on your toes
Other things we'll let pass
Making fun of a Minnesotan
Maybe a little outburst of gas
But one thing is verboten

Don't pick it, Wilson.
Or your stock will suddenly drop.
The woman who loves you groans with disgust
And she begs you to stop.
Doing it openly openly shows
You're a jerk and she will not miss you.
Use a tissue.