Indie script
Saturday, April 05, 2008
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(THEME)

GK: Kimberly Williams Paisley has appeared in numerous films and TV programs—you may know her from her roles in Father of the Bride, Father of the Bride II, The War at Home, and now the TV show According to Jim. But it hasn't been an easy road, and before she was famous Kim appeared in many low-budget independent feature films, and Kim doesn't know this but we have a reel of some of her early work with us tonight.

KWP: Oh no—

GK: Just get that projector started up, Fred—(PROJECTOR FIRES UP, ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF)

KWP: You know I'd really rather not—

GK: Here's a biker movie from 1986 (MOTORCYCLES REV, OFF)—a feature film called 'Honies on Hogs'.

SS (FEMME): Do I look fat in these leather pants?

KWP (DEEP): Don't worry about it. We're gonna ride ride ride! (REVS)

SS (FEMME): It's so hot out here. My cuticles keep cracking.

KWP (DEEP): Who's gonna look? No one. We're in the desert. Let's do this—

SS (FEMME): I don't think this sunscreen is strong enough. I usually wear at least 25.

KWP (DEEP): Sunscreen? Who needs sunscreen? Look at me. I'm going for the beef jerkey look. Works for me. Let's ride!

(MOTORCYLES TAKE OFF, ROCK RIFF, PROJECTOR POWERS DOWN)

GK: Wow.

KWP: Yeah.

GK: That looked like it was fun to make.

KWP: I don't know. The concept was "women on motorcycles"-it was supposed to be hot--but somehow-I don't know. The script went in a weird direction.

GK: That's okay — all right here's a clip from (PROJECTOR STARTS UP) one called "Angel of the Antarctic"-

(MOURNFUL VIOLIN, WIND)

KWP: It's okay, Mr. Penguin. Come here, little guy. Got some fish for you. (PENGUIN, PENGUIN EATING). —I never imagined when I signed up for two years at an isolated research station in the Antarctic that an aquatic bird would become my confidante. Is that weird? (PENGUIN) Do you mind if I call you Bob? (PENGUIN). There's just something Bob-like about you. (PENGUIN, EATING) Or Fred. (PENGUIN EXCITEMENT) Your name is Fred? (PENGUIN AFFIRMATIVE) Oh Fred— I feel that — I feel that — I think the next six months can be very special for both of us. (FILM POWERS DOWN)

GK: That almost looked like a documentary—did you make it in the Antarctic?

KWP: No, we made it in Michigan. But it was based on a true story-so—

GK: And now we have another one-a horror thriller called "Die, Smiley Guy" —

KWP: Oh my gosh — where did you find this?

(FILM POWERS UP)

(CIRCUS MUSIC, CREEPY CLOWN LAUGHTER, DRIPPING CAVE)

KWP (ECHOES): Where are you clown? Come out now! (CREEPY CLOWN LAUGHTER, OFF, TORCH) Come on — I can hear you chuckling. (TORCH SWINGS AROUND) I've hated clowns since I was six years old and my father took me to the circus. A big man with a white face came at me and terrified me but I was expected to laugh. Yes. I was full of anger, but I was supposed to be a good sport. And I've been killing clowns ever since. Just try to run in those big shoes, clown. I'll get you. You can't escape me (CREEPY CLOWN LAUGHTER, PROJECTOR POWERS DOWN)

KWP: I did that as a favor for a friend.

GK: "Die Smiley, Die" was the correct title—

KWP: I was a troubled person who killed clowns. So—

GK: Now we have a made-for-tv movie that you did in 1990-called "One For The Road"

KWP: Right-also a true story. (PROJECTOR POWERS UP) (SENSITIVE PIANO)

KWP: My name is Janet Rondale McPherson, and I'm addicted to fresh fruit.

SS, TR, FN: Hi Janet.

GK: Okay, that was a short clip there, and now we have time for one more—

(FILM PROJECTOR)

(CRE
EPY ALIEN MUSIC)

GK: Now what's this?

KWP: Oh, right. This is called 'Invasion of the Podlike Individuals' (PODS OPEN, ALIEN MUMBLING CONTINUOUSLY, OFF)

KWP: What is this? Enormous pods on my kitchen walls. And ceiling. They're coming out of my refrigerator. Green things. And they're alive. They're moving. They seem to have eyes. And they're getting bigger and bigger. — Greg!!! Greg where are you?

TR:(POD PERSON MUMBLING)

KWP: Oh no. Greg. You've turned green and hairy. You've become one of them. Stay away from me, Greg. Don't come any closer.

TR:(POD PERSON)

KWP: Don't touch me, Greg. I have a blender. (BLENDER) Get back, Greg. (

TR:MOVES IN) No, Greg. No. (BLENDER)

(CREEPY ALIEN MUSIC, PROJECTOR POWERS DOWN)

GK: So that's it, the early reel of Kimberly Williams Paisley-which led to bigger and better things-

KWP: We hope—