A Prairie Home Companion: April 26, 2008

Spa Script
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Listen

GK: If you like spas, but you're tired of mood lighting and chanting (CHANTING, CYMBALS), and the smell of eucalyptus and incense (SITAR), then maybe it's time to head for Lurleen's Spa in Hot Springs. (BUBBLING)

FN (SOUTHERN): Okay, get naked and turn around, I'm gonna wrap this sheet around you.

GK: You soak in a mineral bath for 20 minutes with an outboard motor at your feet churning up the water (OUTBOARD MOTOR) and then you get into a sitz bath

FN (SOUTHERN): Put your bare butt right down there-

GK: And you read the red warning sign taped on the wall-- sitz bath may lead to redness and tingling in affected areas that will subside in 18 to 36 hours??

FN (SOUTHERN): It's fine. Okay stand up and turn around. The other way. Turn around the other way!!!

GK: And they lead you to a steam chamber where they sit you in a sort of upright guillotine thing (SLIDING WOOD BLOCKS INTO PLACE)

FN (SOUTHERN): You comfortable?

GK: I don't know-

FN (SOUTHERN): Let me know if you want out. (DOOR CLOSES)

GK: And then the door closes and the steam kicks in (HUGE STEAM), and you start to sweat out all those toxins (HEAVY BREATHING). And it's hot. Really hot. And at the end Lurleen takes you to the needle shower-cold water under high pressure--- (SHOWER STARTS)

FN (SOUTHERN): It feels real good when you're done.

GK: Lurleen's Hot Baths. Hot Springs. Feels so good when it's done.