 |
Cheese script
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Listen
GK: After this message from the Wisconsin Department of Cheese. (MOO)
(THEME)
GK: Wisconsin leads the nation in cheese production. And America loves cheese. Did you know the average American eats 32 pounds of cheese a year? Which naturally leads to the question—
FN: How much is 32 pounds?
GK: Thirty-two pounds is the average weight of an adolescent emperor penguin, and this in cheese, eaten by each person every year. Where cheese consumption is high, you'll find stable communities, long-term home ownership, solid marriages. If you're worried about cholesterol in cheese, that's okay, cheese has lots of uses. Try cheese soap, (SQUISHY LATHERING). Wisconsin Cheese soap is naturally moisturizing, and it has a fragrance all its own.
Or if you're worried that dairy farms are an inefficient use of grain (COWS) and cows cause methane gas (MOO AND COW FART) which depletes the ozone layer, now you can try Wisconsin's new cheese-powered car (CAR STARTS, SPUTTERS, RATTLES OFF). Yes, it's a car powered entirely by Wisconsin cheese — one 40-pound wheel of cheese will run your car for days — ten miles to the pound...
GK: Just open up the fuel chamber—(OPENS DOOR), put the cheese wheel into place (EFFORT, THUMP), and off you go. (CAR STARTS, SPUTTERS, RATTLES OFF). Cheese-powered cars produce no toxic fumes. Just the smell of cheese.
Or perhaps you think you can't afford cheese. But the truth is you can't not afford cheese. The country's in a recession and the dollar is weak and China is forging ahead —we need to slow them down, but how? (TRUMPETS) Cheese. Chinese cuisine does not include a lot of cheese. We're going to change that by shipping cases of cheesy rise to China for women to give out free in grocery stores (TR CHINESE CURIOSITY) —Cheese Foo young, Moo Shoo Cheese (TR CHINESE SICK CURIOSITY), General Tzo's Seven Joys of Cheese (TR CHINESE SICK), Hot &Spicy Szechuwan Cheese Cubes (TR LETHARGIC, SICK)— King's Delight Cheesy Snakehead Fish (TR SICK SICK SICK)
It's all cheese and it's all good. A message from the Wisconsin Department of Cheese.
| | | |
| |
