A Prairie Home Companion: May 24, 2008

Body script
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Listen

GK: It's summer and suddenly parts of your body are visible that haven't been for a long time — (FN LURLEEN: Oh my goodness gracious—) there are odd growths (SFX) and unsightly folds (SFX) and weird hair (SFX) and bulges (SFX) and it starts when you're 23 and it just gets worse and worse (SFX)— you can't take that out in public or people are going to be thinking (FN: SHE OUGHT TO SEE A DOCTOR)— don't see a doctor, they'll only tell you about aging, you need to see Arlene —

SS (DEEP): Okay, come on in. Sit down on the hoist. Okay. Up you go. (HOIST) Oh boy. — Uh huh. Yikes.— All right. This is gonna take a couple hours. Here's a magazine.

(CLIPPER)

GK: And Arlene shaves what needs shaving and waxes the rest (WAX) and she smooths out folds and wrinkles using the principle of suction (SUCTION CUP)—

SS (DEEP): Those marks should go away in a week or two. Maybe five.

GK: And she does your toes (AIR WRENCH) and she removes unsightly moles or pimples (ACETYLENE TORCH, SPARKS) and she washes you off (POWER WASHER) and she sprays on the tan (SPRAY) and she hangs a freshener from your ear— and you're done.

SS (DEEP): Okay. You look good. Just stay out of direct light. Remember, shadow is your friend.

GK: Arlene's Body Detailing. It's on the strip. Look for the dancing neon girl.