A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

SFX script
Saturday, June 7, 2008
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GK: We're in Los Angeles where every day hundreds of young people arrive by Greyhound bus (BUS EXHALE), with a single cardboard suitcase and a heartful of hope ("I'M HERE!!!!! HERE I AM!!") waiting to be discovered — dreaming of fame and fortune and a life you can't find in Oshkosh, Wisconsin — a life in which you sit wrapped in towels and are steamed(STEAM) like broccoli, and then seaweed emulsion (SPLORT, SPLORT) is put on you, and you are vibrated (SPACE SOUND) and lasers remove unwanted hair (LASER) and the botox is freshened up (SQUIRT) you are bathed in green tea (HOSING) and you drink a protein smoothie made from soy nuts and ocean froth (BLENDER — you can't get that in Oshkosh — and so the kids with the cardboard suitcases come here with their dreams and this morning they were lined up at the Greek Theater hoping to get their big break and come on the show —

this young man in the TSA uniform playing a song on a screening wand ("Love theme from Romeo and Juliet")

here is a young man from the Good Night Moon motel on Sunset playing "La Bamba" on a hotel key-card

a young man tap dancing w/ toilet plunger shoes ("Tea for Two")

a man who plays "This land is my land" on the chainsaw

a man who plays "Inna Gadda Davida" on toilet plunger

Thanks to all who auditioned. You were great. But we decided to go with somebody else. (FN MUTTERING) We decided to go in another direction. (FN MUTTERING).