Café Boeuf script
Saturday, September 6, 2008
GK: We're in Vermont, a short drive from Montreal, and many Quebecois come down here to eat at the Café Boeuf Burlington: Where the elite meet to eat. With your host, Antoine.
GK: I'm sorry - you asked if I am wearing a potato?
TR: No, no, no. I ask if you are dining alone tonight?
GK: Yes, I am. I'm on tour.
TR: Aha. Okay. You are all alone. Okay.
GK: You have tables for one?
TR: Of course, in life we are all very much alone. Very very much alone. Or as Jean-Paul Sartre said, (FRENCH GIBBERISH)
GK: What does it mean?
TR: It means, "A man must march to his own drummer and not listen to the drums of others."
GK: That's not Jean-Paul Sartre. That's Henry Thoreau.
TR: You are saying that Sartre stole a saying from this- this Thoreau.
GK: Well, who knows. What are your specials, Antoine?
TR: Do you want to hear the specials?
GK: Of course.
TR: Then I will say them. We have two specials. We have (FRENCH) and that is 45 dollars.
GK: Forty five dollars!
TR: Oui. Your dollar is not so strong anymore. Your dollar is (FRENCH) -
GK: What else?
TR: And there is the (FRENCH) Forty six dollars.
GK: Okay. What were those again?
TR: The (FRENCH) and the (FRENCH).
GK: Okay, and the (FRENCH)- that's 45 dollars?
TR: It's not (FRENCH) - it's (FRENCH) -What you said - (FRENCH) That means to put a carrot in your ear and spit through your nose.
TR: So- Decide. Make your choice.
GK: I'm not sure I remember what they are-
TR: Be decisive. Be bold. Courage!
GK: The first one then!
TR: You mean (FRENCH)?
TR: If you want (FRENCH), you are an idiot, monsieur. I spit on you (SPIT).
GK: You asked me to decide and I decided!!
TR: Whoever would choose (FRENCH) instead of (FRENCH) is an imbecile.
GK: You know, here in Vermont, there are laws against hate speech.
TR: You are a fool- you are (FRENCH TIRADE)-
GK: Sounds like hate speech to me.
TR: (FRENCH CONTEMPT)
GK: Is there anyone else back there to take my order?
TR: Non. It is only me. Antoine. Serving you, the man who must eat alone. And you do not know what to eat. It's like Sartre said, (FRENCH) - some men should not march, they should lie down and let others march over them.
GK: Okay. Goodbye.
(CHAIR PUSHES BACK)
TR: Where are you going?
GK: Some other restaurant. I don't need this abuse.
TR: Come back when you know how to order. Or better yet, don't.
GK: The Café Boeuf. Where the elite meet to eat. A French dining experience right here in Vermont.