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Catchup script
Saturday, September 6, 2008
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TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. We went to a vegan barbeque yesterday. Grilled carrots and celery and eggplant and tofu burgers and non-dairy tofucicles. It was pretty good. And then we went home and we ordered spareribs to go. And that was good, too. The delivery guy came on his bike and as he was riding away he got his tire wedged in the lawn edging and he went down and he broke his leg. Luckily it was the Jensons' lawn. Not ours. So he can't sue us. So we gave the guy the Jensons' number and we called 911 and then sat at the picture window eating our spareribs and waiting for the ambulance to arrive. It only took about twelve minutes. So it was an exciting day. We should have been happy. And then later I went upstairs and found Barb in the bedroom, staring into the mirror. Barb, what are you doing?
SS: Jim, do you think I should get Botox?
TR: You mean botulism toxin?
SS: Yes Jim. Botox.
TR: Where they inject food poisoning into your face, right?
SS: Well it gets rid of your wrinkles!
TR: Barb. You hardly have any wrinkles. Just laugh lines.
SS: I also want to get a fruit acid peel. For my face.
TR: Barb. A person is not supposed to put acid on your face. Everybody knows that.
SS: But it's fruit, Jim.
TR: You're not supposed to put fruit on your face, either.
SS: It's an extract, Jim.
TR: Maybe you should try ketchup instead, Barb.
SS: Ketchup? On my face?
TR: Yes.
SS: Oh--
TR: Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that cause your facial muscles to relax. So you look like you've had Botox, even though you haven't. And it's cheaper. So you can do it every day.
SS: Almost as a fruit peel, then.
TR: Right, Barb. Because don't forget: A tomato is a fruit.
(THEME)
RD (SINGS):
These are the good times
The air is fresher, cleaner
We've been exercising
We're stronger and we're leaner.
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on a wiener.
GK: Ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.
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