Rhubarb script
Saturday, October 18, 2008

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GK: ….after this word from Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie. It's fall, good sleeping weather, and your teenagers fall asleep early (SNORING) and your wife turns in around ten p.m. (SNORING) and the family dog winds himself up and hits the hay (DOG SNORING) and even the goldfish are sacked out in the tank (FISH SNORING) but you can't sleep because your supervisor left you a message (

FN: Hi, it's Marcia. Give me a call. A.S.A.P.) And so you turn on the TV and there is the president-

TR (BUSH): The economy is basically sound. Stocks are underpriced and bound to come up. We are going through a temporary adjustment turn to page 2 and now is not the time to panic. . I repeat, do not panic.

GK: And now you really can't sleep. You go online to look at your stock portfolio and it's down-way down-

TR: No-no no no no no!

GK: You forgot to diversify, and all your money is in railroads and plumbing supplies-so you call your 24-hour broker (PHONE OFF CRADLE, DIALING, VOICE ON PHONE)

TR: Dave? I want you to sell. Sell everything, sell sell sell sell!

GK: So those stocks are gone and then you watch online as they surge back up-- (ASCENDING)

TR: What? Oh no-no! (PHONE OFF CRADLE, DIALING, VOICE ON PHONE)

TR: Dave? Me again. Listen buy it back-(VOICE ON PHONE) Buy it all back. (VOICE ON PHONE). I don't know, cash in my life insurance, I don't care. (HANGUP, PANTING)

GK: And you sit there and you watch and now the stock is dropping again. (SINKING SFX)

TR: Oh no! No!

GK: And then you hear a tapping at your window (TAPPING ON GLASS) and you look over and there's a bear right outside.

FN (BEAR, OFF): Sell. Sell fast.

GK: So you call back your broker---

(PHONE OFF CRADLE, DIALING, VOICE ON PHONE)

TR: Dave. Me again. (VOICE ON PHONE). Yep, you got it. (VOICE ON PHONE). Just get rid of it. I don't care how. (VOICE ON PHONE, HANG UP, TAPPING ON GLASS)

GK: And there's that bear again.

FN (BEAR, OFF): Sometimes it's good to ride out the market fluctuations-

TR: What?

FN (BEAR, OFF): Maybe you should look into bonds…

TR: I can't! (CELL PHONE RINGS)

TR: Hang on a second, let me get this (PICKUP) Hello?

SS: It's Marcia, I tried to call you last night…

TR: Everything okay?

SS: Sure. Fine. Listen, the company is reorganizing and we'd like you to consider a new opportunity-

TR: Sure-what opportunity is that?

SS: We're opening an office in Tsingdao.

TR: Oh.

SS: How's your Mandarin Chinese?

TR: My what?

SS: Think you could get up to speed by Thanksgiving?

GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie?

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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