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France's Kitty Boutique
Saturday, November 8, 2008
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GK: It's a good thing Barack Obama won, because had he not some members of our listening audience were planning to move to France or to Sweden and you would've had to listen to the show streaming on the Internet and you'd be laughing your head off and someone would ask (TR FRENCH) what was so funny and you'd tell them —
SS: (BREAKING UP) Two penguins are standing on an ice floe and one penguin says, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo". And the other penguin says, "What makes you think I'm not?" (SHE LAUGHS)
TR: (FRENCH INCOMPREHENSION)
SS: He says, "What makes you think I'm not?" Get it? What makes you think I'm not wearing a tuxedo? A penguin— Okay? Penguin.
TR (FRENCH INCOMPRENSION THROUGH ABOVE)
GK: Exactly. It makes no sense. One more good reason to be happy you didn't have to go. Sweden too.
TR (GRIM SWEDISH)
GK: Goteborg in November. It's like living in a coal mine. No amount of Zoloft or Prozac can make the sun come out. You just sit there and eat fried herring and think about how nice Florida would be.
TR (PAINED SWEDISH)
GK: The south of Sweden is north of here. You go south in Sweden, you're going to northern Michigan.
GK: And if you think you'll escape conservatives in Europe, guess again. They're very liberal about some things but not immigration. (TR ANGRY FRENCH) Immigration. It's a big issue there . Even bigger than it is here. (TR ANGRY FRENCH) And now you will be the immigrant.
SS: (DRAMATIC) Moi?
GK: Oui.
SS (DRAMATIC): Je ne suis pas un immigrant.
GK: No, you're an immigrant. You'll have to get a job in a hotel, changing sheets.
SS: Moi? Non, non, non. Je suis une actrice, pas un serviteur.
GK: And you speak with an American accent.
SS: Accent americaine? Moi?
GK: Oui.
SS: Je voudrais un billet pour l'Amérique.
GK: You want to go back to America?
SS: S'il vous plait.
GK: Of course. Welcome back to America. (BIG GLISS, AND BUGLE)
SS: I'm back home, Toto. It was only a dream. (DOG BARK) Look. It's Minnesota. And there's Uncle Earl.
TR: Hi there, stranger. Where you been keeping yourself? Care for some macaroni and cheese? How about a hamburger or something?
SS: Home. There's no place like home. Thank you, Mr. President Elect.
GK: France. It sounds good but you get there and shops close at weird times so people can go home and take naps, and dinners are seven-course meals whether you're hungry or not and there are rules and the coffee is not what you want at all. Be happy you're here. In America.
TR (OBAMA): I'm Barack Obama and I support this message.
(BAND PLAYOFF)
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