A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Erica
Saturday, December 27, 2008

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ER: Dear Diary. I got laid off today. Well, yesterday. In an email last night. It said, "as we all know, the economy has been bad and our company has not been exempt from the economic forces etcetera etcetera etcetera." And they laid me off. Me and 37 other people. Funny, six years ago I was going to major in theater but my dad talked me into economics so I could work for an investment bank so I did and got a job at Hogan Huffman Hooper & Hoff and I rented a loft in Tribeca and lost the job and now I'm broke. So much for that idea.

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ER: I told my boyfriend who is a screenwriter that he has to help me with rent or else find a different situation. His parents pay for his Prozac but it's not working. He told me he couldn't pay me until his film got distribution, and that it was really unfair for me to ask. He's making a documentary about the guys on street corners who sell bananas. It's called Consider The Fruit Man. So we broke up. My mom called from Minnesota and told me I could move into their house. They want to move to Arizona and start a new golfing lifestyle. I'm thinking about it.

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ER: Dear Diary: I've been spending a lot of time in coffeeshops lately because my landlord turned off the heat and my toilet isn't working. I can't ask the landlord to fix it because I'm two months behind on rent. So I'm looking for a new job. Me and about 50,000 other econ majors. And then this acting agency just contacted me and said they might have a TV commercial. They're emailing me the copy later tonight. I can't wait to see what it is.

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ER: Dear Diary: My mom called today to say that anytime I want to move in is okay, she and dad are packed and ready to go. I got the copy for that ad. It's for organic free-range eggs. They want me to put on a chicken suit and sit on a nest and lay an egg as though it were a very happy experience. If I get the job it's twenty five thousand dollars and I can afford to stay in my apartment for another three months. If I don't get it-well. I don't want to think about it. I'm going to get it. I am. (A FEW TENTATIVE CLUCKS) Maybe more like this (A FEW MORE CONFIDENT, PLEASUREABLE CLUCKS). Better.

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ER: Dear Diary. I went to the audition today and the director said I had the look but that I wasn't free range enough. He wanted more feeling (CHICKEN CLUCKING). Like that. My friend Leslie in Queens needs a roommate and it's cheap, but I'm not so sure I believe in Queens. I believe I'm going to get this commercial. (KNOCKING) Oh shoot. There's my landlord.

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ER: Dear Diary: I'm writing this from Minnesota. Mom and Dad left for Arizona this morning. I didn't get the commercial. That director told me he thought I was great but I wasn't "eggy" enough. What does that mean, "eggy"? Anyway I got a message from my old boyfriend. His movie is getting picked up for some festival in California and he sent me a DVD of the rough cut. He's rubbing it in my face but I don't care-whatever. I'll go back to New York someday. I don't know how, but I know that I will. I'm not seeing anybody out here now. I don't want a Minnesotan boyfriend. I want to be able to leave whenever I want to go to New York

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