A Prairie Home Companion: January 31, 2009

English Majors
Saturday, January 31, 2009

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GK: ...brought to you by P.O.E.M. the professional organization of English majors. English. It's a language that more and more people are finding attractive, isn't that right, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton?

SS (CLINTON): Yes, that is so true, and let me tell you this, wherever I travel in the world, I hear more and more English being spoken and not only to me but also to other people. And so as Secretary of State, I am going to listen to world leaders, especially if they can speak English, which most of them do. Of course I am happy to use translators but I think America needs to listen and not just tell other countries what we think they should do and so that is my job, to listen.

GK: I see you've brought a guest with you.

SS (CLINTON): Yes, I have brought Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom.

(DOG BARKS)

TR (QUEEN): We are so pleased to be here in St. Paul at the headwaters of the Mississippi — Would you like me to read the whole proclamation?

GK: No, that's okay. Why do you like St. Paul, Your Majesty?

TR (QUEEN): We love St. Paul because you have the winter carnival here. We can play bingo and smoke a cigarette and drink a beer and Klondike Kate will tell us really naughty stories that nobody would tell us in England. Naughty, naughty, naughty. So delicious. That's what we think.

GK: You mean you and your family?

TR (QUEEN): No, just us. We come here alone. (DOG BARKS) Shut up.

GK: Okay, thank you. English. It's a language you ought to know. Brought to you by the Professional Organization of English Majors.