A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

English Majors
Saturday, February 7, 2009

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GK: In this bad economy, most of the jobs normally reserved for English majors are no longer available.

SS: Would you like fries with that?

GK: So if you're an English major, you might want to consider a job in Health Care.

(BEEPER, VENTILATOR)

SS: He's crashing. Hand me the paddles. — (TK: Paddles.) — Ask not for whom the defibrillator zaps. It zaps for thee. (BUZZ)

TK: Nothing. Still flat. (BUZZ) Still flat.

SS: O Captain my Captain! your fearful trip is done—

GK: English majors can bring a sense of dignity, even grandeur to the hospital. (VENTILATOR)

TR: Whether tis better to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, —

SS: He's gone. Daddy's gone.

TR: 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd.

GK: Opportunities in Health Care — just ask the Professional Organization of English Majors.