A Prairie Home Companion: May 2, 2009

Catchup script
Saturday, May 2, 2009

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TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. I mowed the lawn yesterday, for the first time this season. And I was really enjoying that. The sun on my face. And I forgot to look down and I stepped in a big fresh pile of dog stuff. But I got the job done. And then today I came home from the store and found Barb on the couch, drinking a beer and listening to iPod.

SS (SINGS): Lonesome....so lonesome...like to die...

TR: Barb, what are you doing?

SS: Listening to country music.

TR: You’re not tuned to public radio?

SS: Nope.

TR: And is that beer?

SS: I decided to open myself up to new experiences. A malt experience. Expand my horizons.

TR: Barb. The only thing you’re going to expand is your butt.

SS: Where is the tolerance, Jim? Where is the open-minded man that I married?

TR: Barb. I don’t got for self-pity and bitter resentment and that’s what that music is about.

SS: Now Jim, that is the most bigoted thing I’ve heard you say in a while.

TR: It’s the truth, Barb.

SS: I’ve got one thing to say to you, Jim—

(SINGS)
I’m leaving you.
You don’t want me to
Be the person who
I am— So I
Am saying goodbye—

TR: I don’t think you’re getting enough ketchup, Barb. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you accept that you are who you are. And you are not a singer. Have some ketchup. I think you’ll feel better in no time.

(THEME)

RD:
Winter is gone now
Awaken from your slumber
The temperature is rising
Up to warmer numbers
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on cucumbers

GK: Ketchup, for the good times.

RD: ketchup, ketchup.