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SFX script
Saturday, May 23, 2009
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GK: Memorial Day weekend, time to decide what to do on your summer vacation. I've been traveling a lot lately and I can recommend driving along the California coastline (SEAGULL), San Luis Obispo to San Francisco, (SURF) it's beautiful, just remember that if you get on a freeway, Californians won't like it if you're only going 75 (CARS PASSING AT HIGH SPEED, HORNS, TRUCK PASSES HIGH SPEED, HORN) and there are people from the Midwest who try to keep up on those coastal roads and (CAR DRIVING WILDLY, SWERVING, BRAKES, CAR OVER A CLIFF, LANDS IN WATER), so be sure to wear a life preserver in the car. And (BREATHING IN SMALL SPACE) as water fills the passenger compartment, wait until there's no more air before you open the door (SFX) and swim to the surface, and look out for sharks. (SFX) You can fly to Europe. (JET TAKES OFF). Go to London. Visit Buckingham Palace and see the piping of the plumbing. (DRUMS, BAGPIPE) And hear English spoken that you cannot understand. (TR HEAVY GLOTTAL YORKSHIRE/SCOTS ENGLISH) (SNIFFING). And you can take the high-speed train to Paris (TRAIN WHOOSH) and walk around (PARIS POLICE SIREN) and hear people talk about you—
TR (DEEP FRENCH)
GK: It sounds romantic but actually they're making fun of you.
TR (FRENCH)
GK: He is saying that your face looks like a truck ran over it and your clothes came from Goodwill.
Some people prefer to go camping. I don't do that myself. I don't go anyplace where you don't have this (TOILET FLUSH) — the flush toilet — the mark of civilization — but there are people who go out in the north woods (LOON) and paddle for miles to a campsite (HAMMERING STAKES FOR TENT) and put up a tent and cooking freeze-dried chicken stew on the cookstove (GAS LIGHTS), as clouds of mosquitoes drain their blood (MOSQUITOES) and give them mysterious diseases which leave them weak and helpless against the bears (BEAR, CRASHING), and so we'll be attending their memorial service in a few months (
FN: Bill was a man who loved the woods and it seemed right to me that he died there, covered with red bumps, filthy and eating bad food.) and so some people may consider staying at home this summer. There's a tennis court down at the park (TENNIS), and you'll have it all to yourself because kids don't go outdoors anymore, they're all on computers, so you can play for hours and come home and open a cold one (SFX) and do a couple steaks on a gas-powered barbecue (CLICK OF FLINT, POOF OF FLAME) and whenever you need to, you can go inside and (FLUSH TOILET) — best reason to stay home. You have your own bathroom. Your stuff is there. And the toilet flushes.
FN: (SINGS) Wherever you roam....there's noplace like home.
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