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Fred Farrell script
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Listen (MP3)
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GK: ....after a word from Fred Farrell, the name you’ve come to trust when it comes to animal calls.
TR (FRED FARRELL): Hello, I’m Fred Farrell. If you live in the suburbs of Virginia, chances are you have trouble with varmints, and that’s all because of bleeding-heart liberals who will not allow patriots to pack the firearms that would keep these pesky critters under control. (MORTAR BLAST) In lieu of firepower, next best thing is to buy an animal call of the predator who eats the varmint you’re trying to get rid of. For example, if you have a mice problem, you’ll want an eagle call. (EAGLE SCREECH). Scare the suckers right on out of there. Got a problem with skunks or raccoons, get a cougar call. (COUGAR CRY). Bingo. He won’t be coming back anytime soon. Got wapiti or elands or water buffalo chewing up your lawn, get a lion call (LION).
Okay. So what do you do if your predator call attracts a whole bunch of predators? You use the eagle call to scare away mice (EAGLE CALL) and it attracts forty or fifty eagles. (EAGLES, OFF, CIRCLING). Or you got fifteen cougars in your backyard (COUGARS). Or a whole bunch of lions. (LIONS) Tell you one thing — there is one sound that will evacuate your yard in about two seconds, and that is fingernails on a blackboard. Yes, it works for animals too.
TR: Especially when it’s combined with a high-speed dentist’s drill. Those two sounds together will take care of the whole problem right away.
Now those of you listening at home who may be susceptible, you may want to put your head between your knees right now, or you may want to move away from the radio and head for the bathroom. Okay— here it comes. In 5 4 3 2 1. (BLACKBOARD.....PAUSE.....DENTAL DRILL)
GK: Order today and get absolutely free Fred Farrell’s Twelve-In-One Animal call......twelve calls on one lanyard around your neck including pig (SFX), pelican (SFX), puma (SFX), Palomino (WHINNY), porpoise (SFX), Persian (CAT), pullet (CHICKEN), pronghorn antelope (SFX), parakeet (SFX), pigeon(SFX), penguin (SFX), possum (SNORE). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to your animal needs. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)
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