A Prairie Home Companion: June 6, 2009

English Majors script
Saturday, June 6, 2009

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GK: ...after this message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.

(ESPRESSO, TYPING)

SS: Excuse me, is this chair taken?

GK: No. Go ahead. Sit down.

SS: Thanks. Gosh, this place is so crowded.

GK: Oh. I didn't notice. I've been glued to my laptop screen.

SS (GASP): Oh my gosh! You're a screenwriter!!!! Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked over your shoulder like that. Wow. A screenplay. I recognize it because I'm an actress. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be reading this.

GK: It's still pretty rough.

SS: I love this line. "Life is insurmountable but every morning we mount up and try again."

GK: It's not finished yet, but—

SS: "HELEN: O Brad, you're such an adventurer. You bring out the daredevil in me. I want to quit this waitress job and run away to Ireland with you. For a week, a month, a year — and just accept the gifts life gives us." —I'm sorry. I'll drink my coffee and let you write.

GK: Okay. (TYPING FAST AND FURIOUSLY)

SS: (UNDER) Wow though. A screenwriter. I mean of all the people to meet at a coffee shop in Los Angeles. I sit down with a screenwriter. What are the odds? —I bet you went to college didn't you.

GK: I did.

SS: Wow. What was your major? If you don't mind my asking?

GK: English.

SS: Oh my gosh, English? Wow. Wow. —I'm sorry. I shouldn't read over your shoulder like this— (TYPING CONTINUES) "Oh Helen, life is too short to waste it on grad school. Let's sell everything we have and go to Ireland and live with utter intensity a wild and vibrant life."

GK: Are you okay?

SS: I'm fine, I'm just—wow. Kiss me, English Major.

GK: What, now?

SS: Yes now. Please. Right now.

GK: A life of glamour, a life of opportunity...when you're an English Major. A message from the Professional Organization of English Majors.