A Prairie Home Companion: June 13, 2009

ELCA script
Saturday, June 13, 2009

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GK: After this message from the ELCA. The Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency.

SS (EVELYN): Okay, so you can't afford to take a vacation trip this year. Boo hoo. Poor you. Tell me about it. People are starving to death and you can't go on a cruise to Alaska. Let me tell you something. Argentina is not weeping for you and neither is Evelyn Lundberg. Just get over yourself and stay home and do something about your yard and clean up the junk in your basement. You've got stuff down there you haven't used in the past five years, and you're keeping boxes and boxes full of scrapbooks and pictures and letters and memorabilia as if you were some celebrity, and let me tell you something — nobody is that interested. When was the last time your kids said, Mom and Dad, tell us more about what it was like in the Eighties? Been awhile, I'll bet. So— it's up to you, but if I were you, I'd get to work. Your house lost a lot of value this past year. You want to know how much? No, you don't. But it'll be worth more if you clean out this houseful of junk. So just suck it up and stay home and get busy and do something useful instead of sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. So do it. I mean it.

GK: A message from the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency.